Week of June 28, 2010

[String]

I seen this picture and thought of the England football team, dunno why:
Best captions in the the categories of Ripper, non-ripper and Howard Brown.

[Phil Carter]

Ripper:-


Promo copy only...

We've had "The Complete truth", "Case solved", "The diary", " Then Man who Hunted", The Lodger", "The Secret Prisoner", "The Secret Confession""The Facts" "The definitive History""21st Century Investigation", "A study in Scarlet", "The Ultimate" "The Ripper and the Royals", The victims of..", "The true face of","British Intelligence Agent", "Portrait of" and Will the Real Mary Kelly..." etc etc etc .....

Here, for the first time, the cover of the soon to be released book...published by Flat-out Publications Ltd...

"Jack the Ripper, The Grande, Final, Autumnally written Simple and Truthful Solution of the Conspiratorial Terror-Induced Photographic Portrait and Authentic Morning-After-The-Night-Before Narrative of the Victim-like Imprisoned Lodger called Scarlet the Adventurer, b. 11.67, who Confesses in her Diary the Complete, Ultimate, Definitive and Factually Near Naked Truth, in a 21st Century Right Royal Study of about The Real Mary Kelly, the True Face of an Intelligence Agent and piss-up Artiste Extraordinaire; her Murder; her Madness and her Legacy, At Last Revealed"


Non Ripper:-

"They told me that if I continued to think of conspirational ideas about the quality of the beer, I'd be asked to leave this board".....

Howard:-

"I think the ironing got too much for her, poor lass"

[Rob Clack]

Doesn't remind me of the England football team, didn't see any tits in the photo.
It did remind me of Caz at the last Whitechapel Society Christmas do :brick:

[String]

"Howard, Howard HOWARD!"
"Yes Dear?"
I said "How did the ripper conference go and did anything unusual happen?"
"It went fine dear, no nothing happened."

[Chris G.]

England coach Fabio Capello gave the team a real dressing down after their 4-1 defeat by Germany. He was able to demonstrate conclusively why the team all played like girls.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3337/4642191469_6171161c2c_o.gif

[Robert Linford]

This woman has more bottle than the England team.

A sign of How's advancing years : he had to get this woman incredibly drunk to persuade her to play strip poker.

[How Brown]

Bob:

She probably got ill from that Pepsi ( What the hell is that doing there with the bottles of Corona ? ). Thats like mainlining sugar.

[Jon Simons]

Thomas Barnardo recalled seeing Liz Stride when he visited 32 Flower and Dean Street.

[Jon Simons]

It didn`t take long for Robert Mann to have a body prepared for the post mortem examination.

[Robert Linford]

At wimbledon, the longest match in tennis history rook a heavy toll of one spectator.

[Nemo]

When I suggested naked sky-diving, I thought she would have enough sense to wear the parachute...



That was one hell of a wedding, and I love the table decorations...

[How Brown]

Hmmm... Molson (Canadian beer) bottles aren't twist top..neither are Corona ( Mexican).
I'm wondering how they opened those bottles.............:tape2:


I notice Robert Linford was at this shindig....I see a tea cup.

[Adam Went]

Howard had a great idea for what the new gold trophy prize for the caption contest should be....

"Walter: Going to town....er, going to a town near you!"

Cheers,
Adam.

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper Related:

Joe Barnett: "No matter how slaughtered she got, my Marie Jeanette would never leave off her evening thong."

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper Related:

The Star's advice to homeless women in September 1888:

Keep your drawers on like this sensible lass, or you could find a heavy Jew on you by dawn.

[tel]

Perfesser How's Recipe For Romance - liquor 'em up until they're comatose.

[Caroline Morris]

Doesn't remind me of the England football team, didn't see any tits in the photo.
It did remind me of Caz at the last Whitechapel Society Christmas do :brick:

This year remind me not to bother with six layers of Victorian skirts and petticoats if you're just going to wear your magic spectacles again, Rob. :o

[Caroline Morris]

Non-ripper:

All together now: "Just a thong at twilight..."

Brown Related:

She was safe as houses sleeping in Howard's back yard. He spent four hours getting her bra off, so it would be a good eight before he worked out the rest.

[Robert Linford]

"Howard Brown, splinters removed from sensitive places while-u-wait.

Howard Brown Enterprises, Oil Drum Lane. Knock third window and ask for Luigi."

[Phil Carter]

I swear officer, I didn't encourage her...all I said was

"I would love to come over and see your collection of beer mats"


or

" 'Ere Sarg? Ive tried all that new fangled technology with this photo.. but even when I press the "rotate and flip" button, I still can't see sod all!"

best wishes

Phil

[String]

Girl slurring:"I swear all I had was a pepsi and some little blue pills Howard gave me for my headache, and next thing I knew I was here"

[Robert Linford]

And on String's avatar we see the purpose behind How giving her the pills.

[tel]

No one ever found out where How got his blow-up dolls, but they were very realistic!

[How Brown]

Thats funny Tel...because they didn't even make regular dolls when you and Paleozoic Linford were kids. Yet..you are hip to the "Judy' dolls ( They all have the same name..."Judy". I forget who told me that because I don't have any and never did.)

My brain is slow this week, so I haven't had the energy to make a truly great caption. One that made its way through the gray matter was

....Caz Morris,performance artist on Britain Has Talent... as the Surrey Bicycle Rack

I know thats good enough to win...but I'll share some more genuis with youse later.

[tel]

For a bloke on first name terms with 'em all that denial sounds a bit like the dolls - hollow!

[Phil Carter]

Young lady found having tested the Monty Python theory on American Beer, vis a vis other varieties of beers and mixers...and found that Pepsi was the strongest of the samples she was given.

[How Brown]

I still wanna know how they opened the Corona's and Molson's....

I have a hunch....

[Silverstealth]

After a long night at chateau Chardonnay finding the ripper was the least of her problems...

[String]

Ok another week, Doesn't time fly.
BTW if you don't agree with the captions decision there is an appeals procedure, you appeal I ignore it.

Ripper related
:first: Caroline "The Star's advice to homeless women in September 1888:.."
:first: Jon "Thomas Barnardo recalled seeing Liz Stride when he visited 32..."
:second: Phil "Promo copy only..."
:second: Silverstealth "After a long night at chateau Chardonnay finding the..."
:third: Jon "It didn`t take long for Robert Mann to have a body prepared..."

Non-Ripper
:first: Chris "England coach Fabio Capello gave the team a real dressing down..."
:second: Nemo "When I suggested naked sky-diving, I thought she would..."
:third: Phil "I swear officer, I didn't encourage her...all I said was..."

Howard Brown
:first: Caroline "She was safe as houses sleeping in Howard's back yard..."
:second: Tel "No one ever found out where How got his blow-up dolls, but..."
:third: Robert ""Howard Brown, splinters removed from sensitive places..."