Week of 15 August, 2011

[String]

Here's one specially for Howard, I know he likes these old theatre pictures.
Best captions in the categories of Ripper, Non-ripper and Howard Brown:

[Caroline Morris]

Non-ripper:

"I said I wanted two gottles o' geer, you cloth-eared gint, not two gare goosoms."

[Caroline Morris]

Howard Brown:

Howie realises that the way to a woman's heart is to act like a dummy and move his lips, while she looks a million dollars and does all the talking.

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper:

Newly discovered photo of the heartless fiend with one of his comelier victims reduces six-footer Frank Tumblety to a slightly less likely suspect.

[Robert Linford]

Following the discovery that women can speak without moving their lips, sales of adhesive tape plummet.

[Robert Linford]

How is consoled by a friend after the Thunderbirds audition bombed.

[How Brown]

Adam Wood....so short he has to go up on his girlfriend...

[How Brown]

String....even though you've been turned out and are taking C.G.s bribe money like a Kansas City hooker....you're still the goods because you know how much I like to see a pair of...pasties.

[Chris G.]

Howard "Da Dummy" Brown: "I asked for a Philly Cheesesteak not a couple of Cornish Pasties."

[Chris G.]

Tired of dealing with the rent boys in the Cleveland Street Scandal, Inspector Fred Abberline decides to keep abreast of the strippers at the Windmill Club.

[Chris G.]

The new theme song for JtR Forums: "Knees Up, Howard Brown."

[Robert Linford]

Unable to reach the flowers, Howard resigned himself to waiting for autumn.

[String]

Dummy : "Okay my turn to put my hand up."

[Robert Linford]

Howard Brown's remake of "Dead of Night" offended purists, who realised that the "twin personality" motif had been changed to "twins personality."

[String]

Silly Ripper theory number 24478

[Adam Went]

"One of these days, Cousin Alice, one of these days!!"

Cheers,
Adam. :drama:

[Caroline Morris]

"Be careful what you wish for, fellas. I wished for a little leg and got two."

"Think yourself lucky, Archie. I wished for a quiet and obliging fella with wood whenever I want it. I got splinters."

[String]

Teresa May and George Osbourne try to dispel rumours thats she's a tart and he's as thick as a plank.

[Gumshoe]

Scene from a typical ripperologists' convention - a couple of boobs and one real dummy.

But can she talk while he drinks water?

[Robert Linford]

Great Miscastings of Our Time #1 : Jane Russell and Howard Brown in 12 Angry Men.

[Caroline Morris]

Great Miscastings of Our Time #1 : Jane Russell and Howard Brown in 12 Angry Men.

#2 : Howard Brown and Linda Lovelace in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (elf and safety did for the other six who didn't have deep enough throats)

[Chris G.]

It wasn't the first time Howard acted the Dummy with a woman.

[Phil Kellingley]

Why 'Educating Archie' was such a success on the radio....

(For the benefit of you youngsters and colonialists 'Educating Archie' was a UK radio show in the 1950s featuring Peter Brough and his dummy Archie Andrews. It was great on the radio ????!!! but as a vent Peter Brough wasn't very good - you could see his lips move. When they tried to transfer it to TV it bombed spectacularly)

[Phil Kellingley]

Lord Charles (the dummy): For my first song tonight I'd like to do an old Peter Sellers number:

It Goes Boom Titty-Boom Titty-Boom Titty-Boom
Titty-Boom Titty-Boom Titty-Boom-Boom-Boom, Oh!
her: Boom Titty-Boom Titty-Boom Titty-Boom
him: Well, Goodness Gracious Me.

[Chris G.]

The latest JTR Forums Variety Show: Lord Haw-Haw and Tokyo Rose.

[Robert Linford]

NINA : Howard, you see I meant it when I said if I catch you ogling Ann B Davis again your feet won't touch the ground.

[Phil Kellingley]

There was a certain amount of disappointment and amazement when the new Star Wars theme park in Eagleville was opened by C3PO and Princess Leia.

[Caroline Morris]

Revealed at last - the compromising photo that prompted Edwina Currie to come clean about her affair with John Major.

[String]

An early pilot for the woodentops was rejected by the BBC.

[String]

Lady "Well it was either this or working for Howard Brown."

[Robert Linford]

The Philadelphia Dramatic Society's production of "Pinocchio" had to be cancelled when the male lead suffered a bout of woodworm.

[Caroline Morris]

...and something vital dropped off when it grew longer than two inches from all the boasting about more betterer captions.

[Robert Linford]

Not to mention the little whistle he gave from eating too many meatballs.

[Caroline Morris]

There was a wooden man
Who had a wooden head.
He thought he had a plan
To take his girl to bed.
His bed had wooden legs,
Beneath, a wooden po.
But sure as eggs is eggs
His girl just wooden go.

[Nemo]

Brad: "I think you got ripped off with that boob job..."
Angelina: "Well, I think you should lay off the botox"

[Chris G.]

When you said, "Would you" I didn't expect you meant "Wood you?"

[Caroline Morris]

"Will you marry me, angel face?"

"Wouldn't I!"

"Well screw you, flat chest!"

[This works better spoken - Ed]

[Robert Linford]

After being booed, hissed at and hit by rotten fruit so many times, Howard's stage career suddenly took off big time when he played the devil doll in this production of "Dead Of Night." Howard's agent, Tim "darlink" Mosley explained : "At last we've got him a role that fits like a glove."

[Chris G.]

Howard made a dummy of himself when he met Pussy Galore.

[String]

Thank you once again for the entries here's this weeks results:

RIPPER
:first: Gumshoe "Scene from a typical ripperologists' convention - a couple of boobs and one real dummy."
:second: Caroline "Newly discovered photo of the heartless fiend with one of his comelier victims reduces six-footer Frank Tumblety to a slightly less likely suspect."
:third: Chris G "Tired of dealing with the rent boys in the Cleveland Street Scandal, Inspector Fred Abberline decides to keep abreast of the strippers at the Windmill Club."

NON-RIPPER
:first: Caroline ""I said I wanted two gottles o' geer, you cloth-eared gint, not two gare goosoms.""
:second: How "Adam Wood....so short he has to go up on his girlfriend..."
:third: Robert "Great Miscastings of Our Time #1 : Jane Russell and Howard Brown in 12 Angry Men."

HOWARD BROWN
:first: Chris G "Howard made a dummy of himself when he met Pussy Galore."
:second: Robert "After being booed, hissed at and hit by rotten fruit so many times, Howard's stage career suddenly took off big time when he played the devil doll in this production of "Dead Of Night." Howard's agent, Tim "darlink" Mosley explained : "At last we've got him a role that fits like a glove.""
:third: Caroline #2 : Howard Brown and Linda Lovelace in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (elf and safety did for the other six who didn't have deep enough throats)

[Chris G.]

HOWARD BROWN
:first: Chris G "Howard made a dummy of himself when he met Pussy Galore."


Just got it in in time. Whew! :rofl:

C

[Caroline Morris]

My Ripper caption won two prizes - one under Howard. Must be some mistake.

[String]

Well spotted Caroline I wondered if anyone would see that. Just a copy paste error ;)

[Phil Kellingley]

Well spotted Caroline I wondered if anyone would see that. Just a copy paste error ;)

Or - just another Caz admirer......:dizzy:

[Chris G.]

Well spotted Caroline I wondered if anyone would see that. Just a copy paste error ;)

We've heard that "copy paste error" excuse before, mate. President Nixon's secretary Rose Mary Woods had a similar excuse for erasing the Watergate tape. :thumbsupbud: