Official JTRForums Keyring/Bottle Opener

[admin tim]

Just the thing to take to that RipCon, where you never know if you will meet a recalcitrant beverage bottle, or down the pub!

Don't wear your heart on your sleeve - wear it in your pocket instead with one of these snappy licensed-merchandise keyring tools. Show everyone where YOU hang out every time you open a cold one.

Blood-red (naturally!) anodized aluminium, with the JTRForums logo engraved thereon in pure white, these lightweight combo tools make the perfect gift for a Ripperologist or other hard-to-buy-for folk. Besides, they're cheap, and that's what really matters.

1 - $5
3 - $10
7 - $20

Your purchase will help support the site and make possible a bigger and better JTRForums (and help keep the advertising at bay). Besides, Howard has self-esteem issues and will really appreciate your purchase.

To order, please contact Howard Brown by email or PM. We will soon provide a PayPal link with which these transactions may be conveniently completed.

Act today! Quantities are limited!

Image shown is enlarged for clarity and is approximately 2x actual size

We at last have a PayPal link to better sell you these items and to help out on Howard's parole fees. Please see attachment below for details.

So what's your excuse now? Attached Images http://www.jtrforums.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=7231&stc=1&d=1264094329

[Howard Brown]

Thats right Tim !

Imagine being stuck at a party where the host has nothing but Canadian beer ! Great people and a great nation, but dammit, they don't have twist tops up there !!

The Mexican beer I drink is that way too...it comes in bottles without twist top. Imagine the shudders I get when I open beer bottles on my friend's formica countertops and the edges of their desks !! Now, of course, with the official and oh, so utilitarian JTRForums.Com bottle opener, I can skip the fistfights that occurred before !

Please contact:

How Brown
at...........

Donston1888@aol.com

Your order will be expedited as soon as possible. Probably around the same speed in which we are all solving the Whitechapel Murder Case....but I'll do my best.

Thanks !

[Robert Linford]

Please send your money to

Howard Brown Enterprises.

PS I can't see the image.:tsk:..


!@#$%^& - I did it again. But it's fixed now.

[Adam Went]

Hey guys,

Any way of making the payments other than through PayPal? I don't have a PayPal account, don't have a credit card, and I like being difficult....

Cheers,
Adam. ;)

[admin tim]

PayPal will be set up for the convenience of the membership. One may always contact Howard and wave cash, check, or money order in front of him to do the deal. Just be sure to tell him what it is you want first; once he sees cash he kind of quits paying attention.

[Debbie D]

Aside from the occasional bottle of wine, I don't drink beer that often. :puke:

I'm holding out for the official limited edition, numbered, and monogramed JTR Forum's violin keychain!!! :thumb:

[Lyn Resthal]

I usually just use my teeth, Tim. Plus, as it is, I already have a ton of things hanging from my car keys that require prior removal every time I need to enter the court house/local detention center, which always involves a lot of fiddling about.. But it is a cute looking little thing. :nod: Besides, perhaps Dan would like one.

[Howard Brown]

Lyn:

There's no need to use your choppers on a cold one anymore...uh uh.

Here's our attractive runway model himself displaying one of these little babies.

[Howard Brown]

To order one of our exclusive JTRForums.Com keyrings, please follow these simple destructions:

For one keyring: $ 5
For three--------$ 10
For seven-------$ 20

Shipping is free within the USA....Please add $ 1.00 to each shipment for those outside the United States.

Please send payment to:

Howard Brown
320 Rochelle Avenue #27
Philadelphia,Pa. 19128

Joe Chetcuti heard the clarion call and has made the first order just this morning. Thanks Joe !!

All proceeds go towards paying for bandwidth and for site expansion in the future. We appreciate your support !

[Robert Linford]

Why would someone need 7 keyrings unless they work at Fort Knox?

[Lyn Resthal]

Why would someone need 7 keyrings unless they work at Fort Knox?

Ah, but Robert, these are also bottle openers. Can never have too many of those, or so I'm told (by those without molars).

Howard and Tim: Any chance that official JTR Forums jar openers will be on offer in the future? I could really use a couple of those, you know.. (mouth just isn't quite big enough.)

[admin tim]

One for each day of the week, Robert. Sheesh.

Lyn, if you'll buy one we'll find one. Is money any object?

[Lyn Resthal]

Ah. Yes, it is, Tim, I'm afraid. Unless you can find a relatively inexpensive one.. As it is, I'm down to just two sweet potatoes, and have to make those stretch until April. (Still, no need to wrestle lids off them, at least.)

[TimeRover]

To whom do we make the check -- Howie or an offshore bank account???

TimeRover

[Robert Linford]

Jana, it's

Howard Brown Enterprises
c/o Liechtenstein
Europe

[TimeRover]

If figured it was the Caymans address. Silly me. We all know the Philly one is just a front for a multi-national organization.

Wait, is that a black car that just pulled up in front my house? Guys in suits... never good.

TimeRover

[Robert Linford]

Relax, Jana, they're just casing the joint.

You're safe until Feb 14th.

[Joe Chetcuti]

Jana,

Just do what I did.

Make the check payable to "Nina's New Fur Coat Fund" :happy:

[TimeRover]

The 14th, huh? Cool. Maybe I can schedule the plastic surgery before then.

Thanks, Joe. That makes sense. Every lady has to have a fur coat when they live in Philly.

TimeRover

[Robert Linford]

Scarface Brown and Bugsy Moseley on another JTR forums fundraising venture. A young Adam Went looks on.

[Howard Brown]

Dear Jana:

Yes, you can send the check in my name. Thanks very much for the support !

I did sell three of these babies at work the other day. I may have missed my calling in life.

[Adam Went]

Robert:

I'm the pickpocket kid....that's why How has been reduced to selling stuff. Scored a whole $4.20 out of that pocket....and a dirty hankey. Nice.

Cheers,
Adam. :clap:

[TimeRover]

Thanks, How. I figured I'd pick up a few and hand them out to unsuspecting folks.

TimeRover

[Joe Chetcuti]

My key ring / bottle opener arrived safe and sound. Thanks, Howard. It has already passed the big test... it can open a bottle of John Courage Beer!

Hey Howard, what type of pizza should I buy for the Super Bowl on Sunday? I've got it down between an Italian Sausage & Mushrooms or a Pepperoni & Onions. Either way, it has to come with extra cheese because we'll be celebrating my Mom's 56th wedding anniversary date on Sunday too. So it'll be a double-whammy pizza festival.

We've got plenty of good beer and now a JTRForums bottle opener. Man-o-Live, we're looking good on Sunday.

[TimeRover]

The key rings arrived today with a lovely addition that I suspect will be worth millions of dollars in a few years. Well, maybe not, but the card addressed to the Central News Agency from the folks From Heck was very funny.

For those of you who haven't bought some of these lovely rings, put in that order! They are very nise... I mean nice.

Good job folks!

TimeRover
And according to that Time Rover Miss Lassiter,they still have beer in 2057. For some reason openers are still needed, though the outside of the can does indicate brewery location, bottling date and alcohol content in a small neon crawl line which gets bigger the more you drink. I just have to take her word on this one.

[Lyn Resthal]

How & Nina;

They got here safe and sound. As you can see.

:)

Lyn

[TimeRover]

Had an interesting discussion with the spouse last night. He insists that these are beer can openers (for the little tab) rather than for beer bottles.

Quite a discussion, actually. Luckily the compost heap is now large enough to obscure the body until late fall and by then I should be out of the country. :rip:

Apparently this critter is dual purpose. Cool!

TimeRover

[admin tim]

Since it is now the New Year, it is a good time to inform or remind all of the new members that these forum openers/keyrings are still available and that it is a hallowed site tradition that every registered member have at least one. Yes, that was a hint.

[String]

How can we buy these from europe? Do you do paypal?
Sending a cheque from here (UK) may not work and would probably cost as much to cash as it was worth.

[Howard Brown]

String,old pal...

You will have to deal with Tim...as I am out of the keyrings.

Unless Timmy used the remainder of them for multiple piercings ( ask him about his chest piercings...yecch !! Worse than what Robert Linford and Sammy used 'em for...), then I don't know what to tell you,sor.

[Sam Flynn]

Timmy used the remainder of them for multiple piercings ( ask him about his chest piercings...yecch !! Worse than what Robert Linford and Sammy used 'em for...It's alright for you to mock, Howard, when I'm the one who has to go through life with what looks like an ocarina wedged between his thighs...

[Howard Brown]

Sammy...when you sent me the jpeg scans of those gams, I thought that that was a squash or an albino zucchini !

Oh,I wouldn't mock ye,brudda...JMenges has 4 of the keyrings in his ears and Mike Covell has his tongue pierced ( God knows for what!?!) with three of 'em.

[admin tim]

OUT of keyrings, Howard? Nice of you to mention it before now - and the holiday shopping season. :nono: :banghead:

Fret not, String and other erstwhile purchasers; I will ship Howard a new supply, as he will remain the man to deal with, mainly since he needs the scratch to pay the server rent every six months.

ALSO, coming soon - JTRForums, the DVD (or maybe CD if we can cram it all on one). For a mere $20, you can have your own disk with all of the current board content, searchable like the Casebook CD's. This is important, for once the CD/DVD has been produced, we must by necessity commit wholesale slaughter on the forums to prune content back down to a manageable - and backuppable - size. This means that practically ALL images such as now found on the caption contests and Dids threads are going to be deleted.

We hate to start over, but we really must, as the site file size has gotten out of hand - and expensive to maintain. I imagine that we will do the deed around the time that we reach 50,000 posts, so start saving those shekels.

[Howard Brown]

This is good news Tim.

Try to put all the old captions and images on the disc so as to not lose continuity.

Take extra...and man, I mean extra....care with my captions so they don't get deleted or its your butt.:boxing:

[Big Jon]

I hereby promise to buy at least one when my student loan payment comes through!

[admin tim]

Howard has a new stock of bottle openers/keyrings, so get those orders and $$ in now!

[Howard Brown]

Time once more for a JTRForums bottle opener / key ring fund drive,money raisin', salespitchin', plea to the masses.

I've got 'em and you can have one,two or three if you wish.

All proceeds ( Sorry ! Nothing over $ 1,000 please....) to the bi-annual 'rent" we've gotta pay now that our advertisers have hit the bricks and won't be 'round no more...

Send me thy dosh for a trio of these lovelies. You never know when they'll come in handy...just ask Roger J. Palmer of Anytown USA or Joseph Bonaduce Chetcuti of Plainville,Cal....or even Jon Magnanimous Rees of Wales ( Even foreigners have 'em !!!) This unholy trio has gotta pair...of keyrings that is !

$10 for 3 beautiful,handy,adorable and oh,so necessary red keyrings today !!!

How Brown
320 Rochelle # 27
Attn: Minister of High Finance & Bamboozle
Philadelphia,Pa. 19128

[String]

Howard are you open to donations?
If you open a paypal account us over here in the old world can contribute to the sites running costs.

[Howard Brown]

Dear String...

Yes,I do have a PayPal account for contributions from all you rich s.o.b.'s...

If its keyrings, arguing in circles lessons,or elocution lessons...please send your contribution to www.paypal.com (http://www.paypal.com).

Nina and I are at donston1888@msn.com





Thanks String....much appreciated. I smell another victory in the caption contest a'headin' your way....

[String]

We were rich over here until some yobbo's turfed a box of tea into Boston harbour. :)

[admin tim]

Just a reminder:

Holiday shopping is nigh upon us and what better gift to give the man or woman who has everything than one of these anodized little gems.

Impress your friends and relations and help the site out - all at the same time!

Get that Christmas shopping done before the politically correct elected !@#$%^&'s in England change the sacred holiday's name for fear of offending a muslim.*

* Sadly, a true story.

[Robert Linford]

Just a reminder : send all cheques to
Howard Brown Enterprises
15 Oil Drum Lane
Knock third window and ask for Luigi

[String]

So that's why they call him Teflon Brown.

[admin tim]

Just the thing to take to that RipCon, where you never know if you will meet a recalcitrant beverage bottle, or down the pub!

Don't wear your heart on your sleeve - wear it in your pocket instead with one of these snappy licensed-merchandise keyring tools. Show everyone where YOU hang out every time you open a cold one.

Blood-red (naturally!) anodized aluminium, with the JTRForums logo engraved thereon in pure white, these lightweight combo tools make the perfect gift for a Ripperologist or other hard-to-buy-for folk. Besides, they're cheap, and that's what really matters.

1 - $5
3 - $10
7 - $20

Your purchase will help support the site and make possible a bigger and better JTRForums (and help keep the advertising at bay). Besides, Howard has self-esteem issues and will really appreciate your purchase.

To order, please contact Howard Brown by email or PM. We will soon provide a PayPal link with which these transactions may be conveniently completed.

Act today! Quantities are limited!

Image shown is enlarged for clarity and is approximately 2x actual size.
Attached Images http://www.jtrforums.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=3567&stc=1&d=1200140865

We at last have a PayPal link to better sell you these items and to help out on Howard's parole fees. Please see attachment below for details.

So what's your excuse now?