New Film From JTRForums To Tell All !

[How Brown]

....the vendors push their carts to one side as he makes his way through Whitechapel Road....the hookers eyes pop out as he gives them a steely squint....the truncheons remain in place as even the bobbies are frozen by his effortless motion through the busy street...

The biggest cinematic effort yet, on the Jack The Ripper case........

A film that paints a not-so-pretty picture and one that will leave you on the proverbial canvas....etched in suspense....it could only come from the JTR Forum team !

Inspired by the woman who solved the Ripper Case and Clint Eastwood..........

A story of a painter-who-wanted-to-be-a-gunfighter-but-had-this-problem-with......expressing his manhood..

Its about how he rode into town and painted it green......green,as in the green from an American dollar.

A man who became a legend....not as Jack The Ripper, but as a stripper at Dodge City Chippendales.............................

The Saga of Walter Sickert......ITS !..................

A F I S T U L A F U L L O F D O L L A R S

'A FISTULA FULL OF DOLLARS' will do for the Sickert-as-misunderstood artist,what Pauly Shore did for misunderstood comedians"..............Roger Ebert.


At a cinema near you soon !!

[Bill]

Sorry to inform you the aforementioned film has been shelved due to a legal dispute over an almost identical film featuring another prominent artist.
Helen Allingham, the Victorian artist noted for her chocolate box portrayals of country cottages might seem an unlikely candidate for the Ripper, but new evidence provided by x-rays of her watercolours show what some experts claim is a repeating motif in pencil – namely a right angle, which features in many of the Ripper killings.

Studies continue, but already over one hundred right angles have been discovered in the pictures taken inside Mary Kelly’s room. When we add to this the fact that Kate Eddowes was killed in Mitre Square; Annie Chapman in a corner of a backyard, I think the evidence is almost insurmountable.

Like you all, I await the outcome with bated breath :)

[Robert Linford]

"Chocolate box" Allingham's guilt has just been confirmed - a "ginny kidney surprise" has been found on the top layer, just next to the nut log.

Apparently she perpetrated the crimes by leaping down on the women from the apex of an isosceles triangle.

Robert

[Robert Linford]

Of course, there were a lot of shapes around in those days. England was still a geometrically free country - it wasn't until the Triangles And Other Geometrical Figures Consolidated Act of 1920 that the angles of a triangle were forced to add up to 180 degrees. After that, any triangle found without the required number of degrees could be arrested and, in extreme cases, sent to a Picasso painting for five years.

Robert

[Bill]

Things have certainly changed since the twenties, and in these days of liberal attitudes, it is hard to imagine such a zero tolerance approach to geometry, but while applauding the current trend, I think that babies have been thrown out with bathwaters.

Many older people I have spoken with look fondly on the days when you could kick loose Rhomboids in the street, or smash the windows of French Curves – while policemen conveniently looked the other way.

Perhaps it was the subconscious longing for such geometric fascism that spurred Allingham to her awful crimes.

[Robert Linford]

Bill, things have certainly changed for the gay geometry community - the old days of sphere bashing are long gone, and there are angles walking around now that aren't sure what they are - bisectual angles, you might call them.

However, there's a new conformist threat on the horizon : the EU has decreed that henceforth all triangles shall be yellow. This is going to cost millions of pounds in paint, man hours etc, as every triangle in Britain will have to be re-painted. The money thus wasted could have paid for some decent dodecahedrons, in which we're ranked 124th in the world, just behind Rwanda. It's a scandal.

Robert

[Bill]

It is scandal, I agree – but as a schizophrenic purveyor of yellow paint, I am forced to say that I most emphatically don’t. As Albert Schweitzer once rhymed:

Rwanda, Rwanda,
Shaped like a Panda
With terrible under-arm hair.
Though your people excel
And do twelve-sided well
Frankly, old cock, I don’t care.

Old Albert certainly knew a thing or two, as I'm sure you'll agree.

[Robert Linford]

Good old Albert, yes, he won the Nobel Prize for Fish, opening the first hospital in which African patients could receive a variety of fish, from cod and skate to salmon and sole.

I have two of his books - "The Decay and the Restoration of Civilisation," and "Frying Tonight."

Robert

[Bill]

And what a fine read ‘Frying Tonight’ is. I keep it by my bedside, and it never fails to inspire me during the long, lonely nights when I lay restlessly tossing and turning, besieged by the devils that only the fish addict can know; devils that Albert was certainly no stranger to – though he was a stranger to geography, since he built his hospital for fish fancying Africans in Brighton.

By a strange, if not startling coincidence, the hospital, after many years of receiving not a single sick African, was bought by the Metropolitan police, and became the ‘seaside home’ where Macnaghten claims the Ripper was taken. It is a terrifying thought that if the unidentified suspect had had access to some tasty fishy morsels earlier in his life, the whole Autumn of Terror might never have happened.

'C'est le poisson', as they say in France

[Robert Linford]

The whole story of the Seaside Home is an extremely complex one. Basically, Albert as you say built his hospital in the wrong place - a consequence of too much Christmas cheer and a compass that came out of a cracker - and the establishment saw no Africans. However, in order to make any Africans who did arrive feel welcome, Albert introduced home comforts such as tsetse flies, mosquitoes, Lassa fever etc. Hence the paradox that policemen sent there to convalesce only became ill AFTER they'd visited the home.

Another problem was, there was a clause in the sale contract that only African police should be allowed in. The Met were in a quandary, and at length it was decided that any policemen entering the home should "black up"
before admission (help was sought from the Brighton beach minstrels in this regard). The blacking up rule also applied to the suspect.

When the police brought Lawende down to Brighton, the latter somewhat understandably objected to catching Lassa fever, sleeping sickness, malaria, smallpox and a host of other illnesses, as it would spoil his forthcoming holiday at Broadstairs. Hence, the identification took place at quite a distance.

What happened was that the police took Lawende to the very end of Brighton pier, and he then was able to gain a view through the upper right window of the home (itself several hundred yards inland) by inserting a penny in a telecope.

As you will appreciate, this arrangement was not very satisfactory, as Kosminski, or whoever the suspect was, had been blacked up, the telescope was a long way away, and the view was very fleeting as the police only had one penny between them.

As it was, Lawende (who had spent all his own pennies in the pub) instantly identified the suspect the moment he saw him. But when he heard that the suspect was an African Jew suffering from Lassa fever, he refused to testify against him, and went off to find a chip shop.

Robert

[Bill]

My dear, Robert, I do believe you have solved the whole case! It is amazing how all the pieces of the jigsaw fall into place once a little thought is applied to them. Why this critical piece of information should have remained hidden these past years is a mystery, but it opens up a whole new line of investigation.

Let us presume for a moment that a policeman, who, falling ill with elephantitis while at the Seaside Home, returns to duty. Unable to fit into his boots due to the gross swelling about his ankles, he leaves his feet in their blackened state, glues false laces atop his arches, and reports for work. Despite the fact that his elephantine legs make it hard for him to walk, his arrest rate increases dramatically since, being actually barefoot, ne’er-do-wells cannot hear him coming. Encouraged, he takes it a step further, and, with the knowledge of blacking gained from the beach minstrels, he begins blacking his face every time he is on nightshift – thereby rendering himself almost invisible in the poorly lit streets, except for a pair of beady, apparently disembodied eyes – a sight so disconcerting to the villains he ‘collars’ that he cannot prevent himself from laughing at their distress.
Now let us consider the publicised descriptions of the Ripper: ‘small glittering eyes’, ‘strange walk that makes no noise’, ‘of foreign extraction’, ‘menacing laugh’ – need I go on?
Case closed!

[Robert Linford]

I think so, Bill. And of course, he took good care to be a million miles away directly he'd completed each murder. If he were ever questioned, he'd have the perfect alibi : "I was with Mamie, being smiled at."

Robert

[Bill]

Only problem is - what are we going to ponder for the next one hundred years?

All the best
Bill

[Robert Linford]

Bill, your post gives a pointer : the legend of Bigfoot.

Robert

[How Brown]

Booby....but lemme ask...Oh, Swifty Lazar's the name...agenting the game...;)

Does this momser Bigfoot even have a SAG card ? Things could get hairy even for a scabbing seven foot Sasquatch. Its a tough town,this Hollywood....