Week of August 17th - 23rd, 2009

[Debbie D]

For your amusement, here is this weeks titilating image!

Post your best Ripper, Non-Ripper, Brown & Caption Most Foul for this photo.

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[Robert Linford]

After he made several bad umpiring decisions at his local tennis club, Howard suspected there was a move to get rid of him.

[Stephen Thomas]

Nina allowed Howard to continue with his hobby of looking over into the local nudist camp as long as his hands were always tied behind his back.

[Mike Covell]

Ripper
Finally proof of how Stephenson escaped from the London Hospital!

Abberline investigates the ladder found in Mary Kelly's tight's! It appears it was actually a stairway to heaven!

Ladder found in Whitechapel, H Division are now seeking snakes!

Non-Ripper
Gordon Brown looks for the rest of his cabinet!

The search continued for the missing Russian Ship!

Brown
Finally Nina hides Howard's caption book, but he doesn't give up without a fight.

Caption Most Foul
"Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!"
"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."
"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"

[How Brown]

Good Neighbor Cadosch

[admin tim]

They didn't call it the Vigilance Committee for nothing.

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper Related Most Foul

"I can see they don't call you Long Liz for nothing. But would you mind sucking a bit faster before I fall off this bloody ladder?"

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper Related

The reason Tumblety was suspected, despite the real murderer only being three feet tall.

[Caroline Morris]

Non-Ripper

Clean version:

"Pardon Mrs Arden there's a pig in your garden"

Dirty old man version:

"Pardon my 'ardon there's a babe in your garden"

[Debbie D]

Nina allowed Howard to continue with his hobby of looking over into the local nudist camp as long as his hands were always tied behind his back.

Bloody hell! I just spit coffee all over my keyboard because of that one.

I hope your happy now.:ranger:

((((Good one, Stephen :pound:)))))

[Currerbell]

The perils of living next door to the Playboy Mansion...

[Currerbell]

The GSG was written somewhere on that wall....

[Robert Linford]

HOW : Nina, will you take this blindfold off me now so I can see my birthday surprise?

NINA : Just a minute, sweetheart!......OK firing squad : ready, aim....

[Robert Linford]

Irish window cleaner.

[Robert Linford]

Adolf Hitler surveyed his latest conquests. Somewhere along the line his Panzers had taken a wrong turning.

[Archaic]

Official Photo of the Whitechapel Vigilance Committee.

[Archaic]

Howard Brown's personal fantasy re: the events at 29 Hanbury Street.

[Archaic]

LVP treatment for the Sin of Self-Abuse.

[Sam Flynn]

JTR-related: His broken English misconstrued, Cadoche's first hospital visit ended with his being treated to a collapsing ladder.

Most foul/Ripperish: Owing to a telegrapher's error, the artwork for Michael Maybrick's new wax cylinder recording, which showed Claude coming into the garden, had to be hastily withdrawn.

Non-related: E.L. Wisteria *



* At least the Peter Cook fans might understand that one

[Robert Linford]

Irish lightbulb changer.

[Robert Linford]

"You're a very useful engine, Thomas."

[Archaic]

LVP Recreation:
What they did for fun before some genius finally invented Pole-Sitting.

[Jon Simons]

Foul

Dutchman uses initiative to plug hole in dyke

[Archaic]

Good one Jon... :high5:

whether you spell it "dike" or "dyke".

[Robert Linford]

As he pondered the situation, Clack grew increasingly angry : Hutchinson had sent him the wrong grid reference.

[Currerbell]

Remind me again is it Peeping Tom or Peeping Jack...

[Rob Clack]

Howard didn't believe in being discrete while spying on the Nurse quarters.

[Currerbell]

Should that be a jib at me I have suppositories ready for the both of you...:boxing:


Bend over gentlemen....

[Rob Clack]

Don't worry. I wont leave you out :).

[Currerbell]

Was about to say the same thing....

[Rob Clack]

As Howard spied on Currerbell sunbathing, he thought to himself, "Must get the car serviced"

[Archaic]

Recommended 'Safe Viewing Practices' for watching drunken Kate's
Fire Engine Performance.

[Archaic]

Rob stood on a ladder all day because Archaic told him he should elevate his mind.

[Archaic]

President Reagan to Albert Cadosch:

"Mr Cadosch, tear down this wall!"

[Archaic]

Like Pink Floyd said, "Just another prick in the wall".


:tape: oops... not sure if I can say that...:tape:

[Archaic]

Scotland Yard's Q Division tried and tried to invent X-Ray Vision to help its agents in the field see through physical obstacles...

they failed miserably, but they did manage to invent a strange new contraption they called "a ladder."

[How Brown]

Well, well,well...I see Mr. I Won Two Caption Trophies Last Week Clack is now among the hoi polloi I gotta contend with here...along with Robert Linford and his coterie of clowns.:playball:

[tel]

The real ripper, Vladdermir Peekover, escaped suspicion by changing his name to ***** and moving to Philadelphia.

[How Brown]

Whaddayaknow...Tel woke up:high5:.

Nice one Tel. You and the other Paleolithic holdover on the Forums, R.C. Linford, should hook up with Robert Deadmeat Clack and go on a comedy tour...Cluck,Clunk,and Clack...

Go back to yer nap:kiss:

[Archaic]

The real ripper, Vladdermir Peekover, escaped suspicion by changing his name to ***** and moving to Philadelphia.

Does ***** = Brown???

Or did you get censored?

[tel]

:) A good caption should have an element of mystery mate.

I hope you're taking notes Mr *****

[How Brown]

You're ****ing right I am pal.:kiss:

[Robert Linford]

Revealed, the real reason why How has spent so long thinning down the site. It's an excuse not to thin down his garden hedge.

[Caroline Morris]

Here we see a typical rent boy bracing himself against a fence for a Tumblety tuppenny upright.

[Currerbell]

Rob C - 'I think I caught my ***** in this damn hole...'

[Currerbell]

'Cor blimey guv'nor, come take a look at this!'

[Archaic]

Victorian Contraceptive Device.

[Archaic]

Balls to the wall?

:tape:

[Currerbell]

Arch - in relation to #48 see #45!!!!

[Archaic]

Bell, i wasn't sure what all the little stars were for... I mean, which word! lol

[Archaic]

LVP Ha'Penny Upright.

[tel]

Bring on the snakes!

[Currerbell]

Arch - it began with a 'P' and ended in 'S'....:kiss:

[Currerbell]

Tel couldnt afford a ticket to the Ashes final so decided to come up with his own spectators view...

[Rob Clack]

"I'd have been better of using a trowel"

[Archaic]

"I'd have been better of using a trowel"

Or at least moving before the mortar had time to dry.

:)

[Rob Clack]

I thought there was a little stiffness coming on :)

[Archaic]

Arch - it began with a 'P' and ended in 'S'....:kiss:

"Peanuts"???

[Archaic]

Still shot from the hit reality TV show

'Most Embarassing Reasons To Have To Call the Fire Department'

[Archaic]

Rare photo of The REAL Hole-In-the-Wall Gang

[Caroline Morris]

Archy - in relation to your #51 see my #44!! How very dare you??

If you win I want a 75% share of your prize (ie three-quarters of whatever that man is poking through the wall).

Er, on second thoughts, have the whole lot on me. :kiss:

Cazzie Upright
XXX

[Currerbell]

Nope Arch, its not peanuts, pens, peas, pads, potatoes.....keep guessing!

[Archaic]

Urban Scarecrow.

[Jon Simons]

Studio deny recently uncovered Bogart "nervous breakdown " photo.

[String]

sound of running water for ages.....
'ahhhhhhhhhh'

[tel]

We'll get the truth, if it 'as to be rung out of 'im!

[Archaic]

Robert Linford's impersonation of an Irish Light-Bulb Changer.

[Archaic]

911 Emergency Operator: "Sir, could you repeat that, please?
You caught your WHAT in a what???!?"

[Robert Linford]

Alan Ladd gets ready for his next kissing scene.

[Caroline Morris]

Why the steps taken to catch the ripper were ineffective.

[Currerbell]

The Met Police ladder to success...

[Archaic]

UK Bird Fanciers breathlessly announce their belief that they've finally discovered the ancestor of a creature known as 'the Common Stool-Pigeon'.

[Archaic]

My new Spoonerism: 'Mortar and Pedestal'

[Sam Flynn]

Why the steps taken to catch the ripper were ineffective.... and why they kept arriving at the rung conclusions.

[Currerbell]

Drake: I see no ships...

[Currerbell]

I dont need the hose darling, I can water the flowers myself from up here...

[tel]

8/307

[Currerbell]

Tel-thats more than enough on this wicket!:kiss:

[Rob Clack]

Rob thought this was high enough to save him from Currerbells suppositories...

[Archaic]

Every great LVP Manor House prided itself on the 'picturesque charm'
of the tame Hermit who lived at the bottom of the garden.

[Rob Clack]

Every great LVP Manor House prided itself on the 'picturesque charm'
of the tame Hermit who lived at the bottom of the garden.

Perhaps he just wanted a good view of the stars :)

[Currerbell]

As How is now the new James Bond he makes his debut in 'A View to a Kill'

[WRITEFX]

Non JTR -

The 'leafing' party for one of the staff from Gardenerl's World wasn't a success as the only guest was Alan 'Titch' Marsh, and he had to bring his own ladder.

[Archaic]

Just another flasher in a raincoat
climbing the corporate ladder...

[How Brown]

Yawn...is the badinage over yet or must I wait until Monday to be crowned by the vivacious and gentle lady Debbie ?

[Debbie D]

Yawn...is the badinage over yet or must I wait until Monday to be crowned by the vivacious and gentle lady Debbie ?

Howard, I see a winner, but it is not you. :high5:

[tel]

Must be me eyes - for a second there I thought you said 'I see a whiner'

[How Brown]

Debbie:

If your dogs bite, please let 'em loose on the old goat Tel. His legs passed away back in the late '20's , so he won't feel it anyway....

How in the world can my caption be less better than any if these efforts so far?:banghead:

[Caroline Morris]

How knew it must be somewhere, but he was buggered if he could find his wife's clematis.

[Currerbell]

Nina got a bit jealous when How said he was off to sort Ivy out...

[Debbie D]

Debbie:

If your dogs bite, please let 'em loose on the old goat Tel. His legs passed away back in the late '20's , so he won't feel it anyway....

How in the world can my caption be less better than any if these efforts so far?:banghead:

My 8 year old German Shepherd girl, J-Lo, does bite. Only she goes for the throat (no kidding on that one). She got us kicked out of Schutzhund class many years ago for going for the helpers throat instead of the bite sleeve not just once, but every time. But I digress, its best we let Carmine do the talkin'.:tape:

[Debbie D]

Must be me eyes - for a second there I thought you said 'I see a whiner'


Yes, I see one of those too... about the same time every week.:nono:

[Archaic]

How knew it must be somewhere, but he was buggered if he could find his wife's clematis.

Good one, Caz!!!

Thank God the censor let 'clematis' through... the puzzled male forum members are probably busy looking it up right now.

tee hee, Archaic

[Stephen Thomas]

Oh, now I get it :tape:. Very good, Caz.

[Currerbell]

Arch, and all they discover is its a white flower and we are back to square one....:banghead:

[Archaic]

SHHHHH!!!!!

They'll never know.

And they'll always wonder....

[tel]

Good one, Caz!!!

Thank God the censor let 'clematis' through...the puzzled male forum members are probably busy looking it up right now.

tee hee, Archaic

Hmmmm .... for a species that don't know 'ow many wheels there are on a football coach .....

[Archaic]

Hmmmm .... for a species that don't know 'ow many wheels there are on a football coach .....

Hi, Tel.
I don't know much about strange foreign football coaches, but this is what our American football coaches look like, and no wheels in sight:

http://i627.photobucket.com/albums/tt355/2Archaic/Waterfalls/GregRobinson.jpg

[Robert Linford]

Instead of going on about the whereabouts of clematis, you lot ought to start worrying about the whereabouts of our shirts and socks - you know, the perfectly good shirts and socks you lot chuck out just because they've got the odd hole or two.

[Currerbell]

The ones you lot never iron?

[Robert Linford]

Yep, them's the ones.

[Currerbell]

Currerbell resorted to dressing as a man and peering over the wall to see how 'the male' lived....

[Sam Flynn]

What's the point in ironing a sock, given that it ends up on the most shapeless and lumpy part of the body south of the clematis?

Not that I've got a down on hose, you understand...


(Sorry, off topic :))

[Currerbell]

No one irons socks......do they????!!!!!:faint:

[Archaic]

No one irons socks......do they????!!!!!:faint:

No, but apparently some men like their boxer shorts ironed and starched... scary, huh?

[Currerbell]

Or put the ball of socks down the starched boxer shorts to, you know... well, look...more manly?

[Debbie D]

Arch, and all they discover is its a white flower and we are back to square one....:banghead:

Actually, it is a flower of many colors and varieties. I have several in my yard and flower garden. hee hee hee hee.....:playball:

Here is one of mine, a multi colored.
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[Archaic]

Hi, Debbie, I have that clematis too; I think it's called 'Nelly Moser'. I have it in several places, including growing up an apple tree.

Another cool one is 'Les Etoiles Violets', 'Violet Stars'- smaller, intensely ultra-violet colored star-shaped flowers.
(Unfortunately my horse Pokey ate the lovely violet flowers because they are as sweet as candy...hopefully Carmine has better manners!)

Oops :tape: back to the captions...

[Currerbell]

Debs - thanks for letting me see your clematis, very nice...:tape:

[Debbie D]

All this talk about "flowers" and they boys seem to be speechless.:faint:

Only 2 days left to enter your best captions!:high5:

[How Brown]

Thats because flowers is for sissies and Texans .

Start talking about "bitin' the pillow" and I'll sit in with you gals...:playball:

You girls talk a lotta guff about your cletuses or cloroxes or whatever the hell those things are....but I think youse would ALL fold under some serious scrutinizin'.

[Archaic]

Debbie,

I fear that some of the fellers may have actually believed my joke about that naughty naughty word 'clematis', and now they are feeling as shy as a bunch of

WALL-FLOWERS!

:high5:

[How Brown]

Lesson for youse women:

A real good word is "Obey !" Nina hears that, oh, I dunno, at least 200 times a day accompanied by me makin' a gentle fist at her and...:brick:I'll be back later, since we are out of bandages and I need one at the moment....

[Archaic]

Lesson for youse women:

A real good word is "Obey !"

Yeah, How, and two real good words are Oy Vey!!!!

(which is probably what Nina thought you said to her)

[Robert Linford]

Actually, all the chaps on this thread are too dashed well-bred to talk of such things - with one predictable exception.:tape:

[Archaic]

Robert, who's the one exception?

Howie?

[Robert Linford]

The one and only.

[Archaic]

Yeah, How is rather ill-bred at times .... but then again, he's from Illadelphia...

[Robert Linford]

Ultimately he's from Normandy.

We're talking slumming here.

[Archaic]

The Not So-Secret Garden...

[Jon Simons]

Ripper

Charles Warren evades bloodhounds in cunning Hyde Park camouflage ploy

[Debbie D]

RIPPER RELATED

Way to go Caroline & Sam!!!


:first: Caroline Morris & Sam Flynn "Why the steps taken to catch the ripper were ineffective......... and why they kept arriving at the rung conclusions."
:second: How Brown "Good Neighbor Cadosch"
:third: Mike Covell "Abberline investigates the ladder found in Mary Kelly's tight's! It appears it was actually a stairway to heaven!"
:cheer2: Admin Timmers "They didn't call it the Vigilance Committee for nothing."
:cheer2: Caroline Morris ""I can see they don't call you Long Liz for nothing. But would you mind sucking a bit faster before I fall off this bloody ladder?""


NON RIPPER Related
:first: Jon Simons "Dutchman uses initiative to plug hole in dyke"
:second: Archaic "Robert Linford's impersonation of an Irish Light-Bulb Changer."
:third: Currerbell "The perils of living next door to the Playboy Mansion..."

BROWN RELATED
Way to go Stephen for making me spit my coffee all over my computer!
:first: :pound: Stephen Thomas "Nina allowed Howard to continue with his hobby of looking over into the local nudist camp as long as his hands were always tied behind his back."
:second: Rob Clack "As Howard spied on Currerbell sunbathing, he thought to himself, "Must get the car serviced""
:third: Caroline Morris "How knew it must be somewhere, but he was buggered if he could find his wife's clematis."

CAPTION MOST FOUL
:puke: Sam Flynn "Owing to a telegrapher's error, the artwork for Michael Maybrick's new wax cylinder recording, which showed Claude coming into the garden, had to be hastily withdrawn."

MOST DISTURBING MENTAL IMAGE
:puke: Caroline Morris "I can see they don't call you Long Liz for nothing. But would you mind sucking a bit faster before I fall off this bloody ladder?"

[Sam Flynn]

Yay! That's what teamwork does for us, Caz :)

[How Brown]

Bullshit, Mr. Flynn...its what cash endowments can do for some lady in Trailercourt, Indiana who needs aluminum siding so badly that she'll accept that pound money from gropers like you and Mrs. Morris.:banghead:

Anyone who can't see the greatness of my effort and went with you and your newest bestest buddy instead....is silly or Welsh or both.

[Debbie D]

Bullshit, Mr. Flynn...its what cash endowments can do for some lady in Trailercourt, Indiana who needs aluminum siding so badly that she'll accept that pound money from gropers like you and Mrs. Morris.:banghead:

Anyone who can't see the greatness of my effort and went with you and your newest bestest buddy instead....is silly or Welsh or both.

I live in a HOUSE. No, it doesn't have wheels. And it is stucco not aluminum.:kiss:
:violin: Cry us a river, How.

[Currerbell]

Oh joy, third again, and another joke at my expense wins Rob a place...:kiss: ;-)

[Rob Clack]

Oh joy, third again, and another joke at my expense wins Rob a place...:kiss: ;-)

Just wait till I think of something for this weeks :)

[Currerbell]

Bring it on sweetie!:kiss:

[Caroline Morris]

I'm still on holiday but just popped in to see how my clematis was doing.

Seems it caused quite a kerfuffle around these parts, particularly the male ones. Clematis envy is never pretty. :lol:

Mine's a beautiful soft one of the palest pink - a Montana - and hubby says that when it comes out on our porch my clematis is the talk of Shirley.

What you lot were talking about, God only knows, but it sounded a bit rude at times.

I see that Sam and I took the necessary steps to reach the top of this ladder. What a team! :kiss:

Love,

Caz
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