Week of August 24th - 30th, 2009

[Debbie D]

Disclaimer: I would just like to say I had nothing to do with the selection of this weeks juvenile toilet joke image. Any complaints, groans, gripes, grievences or eyerolls are to be directed at none other than the site owner How Brown who forced me to post this.:kiss:

Oh well, here goes. Post your best Ripper, Non-Ripper, Brown, and Caption Most Foul for this weeks image.

6699

[Jon Simons]

Non Ripper

Call-girl advertising reaches new extremes.
Gone are the days of business cards in phone boxes.

[Sam Flynn]

JTR-related: Not from Hull

Non-related: A view to a keel

[How Brown]

Thanks for the 'disclaimer", Debbie....I was getting tired of having to share credit for my highbrow contributions to this...this rigged deck ( Get it ? "rigged'..."deck"...a ship? ). This is a contest caption entry that I was asked to send to you...but I won't roll over on Sir Bob...whoops.:tape:

Trivia fact:

I can make two saucy words....tit and anus...out of Titan Uranus....a ship I christened thusly in honor of the mammoth jakubowski's four of our femme fat-ales are lugging around.

****************************

I'd bet $4.25 that I'd have four flat tires if the four fat hineys ( Archy,Bell,Debbie and Caz ) sat in my four wheel drive jeep. Not part of any caption entry..just an observation based on the love I have in my black heart.....

[Jon Simons]

Ripper

Middle of Indian Ocean

It had been very dark when a drunken Liz Stride thought she had sneaked onboard the "Princess Alice" for a free day out up the River

[Archaic]

Titan Uranus: It's going to be a long voyage.




(...most foul?)

[Rob Clack]

I'm glad the names on the rear end.

[Stephen Thomas]

Titan Uranus: here comes Hong Kong Scrooey.

[Ultra Violet]

When Mr Brown blew another caption contest, he refrained to naming vessels for a Hong Kong shipping company.

[Rob Clack]

Titan Uranus entered Hong Kong via the back passage.

[Archaic]

The producers of the 2009 TV Series "The New Gilligan's Island"
decide that calling their boat "The Minnow"
just isn't edgy enough.

[How Brown]

You too, Helga !?!:faint:

Me golden idol-ess is tarnished...:banghead:

Good one though..damn it.

[Ultra Violet]

How, I guess that only could happen because you chose the picture... :becky:

[How Brown]

No my dear madchen...thats because I tried to help a buddy ( Sir Bob ) out and took the heat for the photo.

Thats okay. I'm going to win anyway.:high5:

[tel]

'Roger .....'

[Archaic]

THE LOVE BOAT launches its all-new, wildly popular Alternative Lifestyles Cruise.

[Archaic]

"Damn the torpedoes!"

[Archaic]

Q: "Hey, why is Howard so attracted to big boats?"

A: "Because he's a little dinghy!"

[admin tim]

Too bad Carmine isn't a seeing-eye dog; he coulda helped Howard select a better contest image. :nono:

Little did the hookers working this low-end cruise ship realize, they would soon experience a hi-jacking at sea.

Abberline badly wanted to search this mysterious vessel, but it obviously wasn't a cattle boat.

[How Brown]

Heh,heh....I like how Sir Bob hasn't appeared on this thread despite me taking the heat for him. I'll have to make a note of that...

I didn't pick the caption but yet !!!...did I mention...I discovered I can make two more dirty words from the "titan uranus"...most notably:..."untit" and "Aunt Anus".

The former, a tragic condition when women hit 80 or 85 and the old bazookas go the way of the fried egg on a nail look. Thats the time you've gotta take the old lady out into the backyard and put 'em outta their misery...

The latter is Tim's favorite kinfolk from Arkansas, all 255 lbs of her, Aunt Anustine Mosley of Bug Hump,Ark....first female in history to successfully put out a campfire by peeing on it ( 1947, Texarkana,Texas).

Back to the captions.........>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[Debbie D]

I didn't pick the caption but yet !!!...did I mention...I discovered I can make two more dirty words from the "titan uranus"...most notably:..."untit" and "Aunt Anus".

You forgot "tar nuts" and "rat tits". Good grief, your foollishness is wearing off on me.:kiss:

[tel]

You forgot "tar nuts" and "rat tits". Good grief, your foollishness is wearing off on me.:kiss:

.... and let's not forget 'anus nit'

[Debbie D]

.... and let's not forget 'anus nit'

There is also the word "stain" but I'll let that one stand alone!:faint:

[tel]

.. and 'saurian', speaking of lizards and such like!

[Sam Flynn]

.. and 'saurian', speaking of lizards and such like!
Actually, "saurian tuat" - aka Dumbosaurus rex

[Currerbell]

Qantas refused to fly the losing Australian Cricket Team home so they had to make do with other alternatives...

[Ultra Violet]

After the Titanic disaster the White Star Line chose more fitting names for it's ships.

[Currerbell]

The pirates gave this one a miss as they thought it was full of shit....

[SirRobertAnderson]

Ripper Related : Constable Brown had good naturedly taken one for the team when the request came down from the Yard to put men on the streets dressed as women. But as he prepared to board the old freighter to search for a reported brothel, he couldn't help but feel a disquieting notion that there was a vital clue about the ship he was missing.

[Currerbell]

Johnny Depp views the film set for the 3rd Pirates of the Carribbean film...

[Archaic]

As a patriotic American I have to wonder if our country would have been such a big success
had our Pilgrim forefathers come over on the 'Titan Uranus' instead of the 'Mayflower'.

[tel]

... or if Jimmy Cook 'ad used it to come to Australia, rather than the Endeavour

[Sam Flynn]

... or Philip of Spain had used it to front the Armada.

Sir Francis Drake: I see no ships.

Lieut. Fitzsnugly: One approacheth, sire! 'Tis Titan Uranus!

Sir Francis Drake: That close, eh...

[How Brown]

I have to confess that I just now realized the joke about the words Titan Uranus...which might be the sign that I am finally slippin'. I kid you not, it wasn't until I saw Sammy's last effort that I realized the inner joke.
That should be good news to you mediocrities, since it makes your chances of besting any caption I make in the future a little better.

The local AARP representative is at the door....I gotta roll.:banghead:

[Archaic]

Titan Uranus: It's going to be a long voyage.

(...most foul?)

How, do you mean to say you read this and DIDN'T GET IT?

Or did you think "Titan" was pronounced "Tittan"?

Either one is pretty sad and a does suggest serious slippage.

I guess it must be true what they say, that the mind is the second thing that goes... oops! :tape:

[How Brown]

I didn't connect Titan with "Tight in"...so friggin' sue me.

Yours
Hugh G. Rection

[Dustin Gould]

Titan Uranus: Before entering the bathhouse!

[tel]

I didn't connect Titan with "Tight in"...so friggin' sue me.

Yours
Hugh G. Rection

Dear Hugh Jass,
Either 'tight in' or 'tighten' will fit - now you can attempt a caption.

[Archaic]

I didn't connect Titan with "Tight in"...so friggin' sue me.

Yours
Hugh G. Rection

Dear Huge Rejection:Tel is right, Titan is pronounced TIGHTEN.

But we were all too polite to write 'Tighten Uranus' because that would be vulgar.

Alas, the subtleties of the English language are lost on some people.

[Currerbell]

How - did you associate Uranus with your arse by any chance???:kiss:

[SirRobertAnderson]

I didn't connect Titan with "Tight in"...so friggin' sue me.


You should have been inherently suspicious of any photo I sent in.

[Sam Flynn]

How - did you associate Uranus with your arse by any chance???
An easy way to remember the difference: Uranus has an outer ring.

[tel]

... all of which gives rise to a caption -
Hugh was all at sea!

[Currerbell]

Sam, you are hilarious but disgusting!:kiss:

[Archaic]

"Hey, sailor, wanna get rucky?"

[Roy Corduroy]

Singing caption :violin:

Titan Uranus
And pull up your socks
Come to the Cabaret...

[Archaic]

To increase public awareness of the Royal Navy's impressive history
Winston Churchill decides to rename every one of its ships
in honor of the Navy's 3 most cherished traditions:

Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash.

[How Brown]

I see Robert Linford has been stumped in his attempt to make a decent caption for this week. Good. This means he's outta money to send to Debbie....since he's one of the leading mediocrities in this sort of mental challenge I was born for.

Sir Bob and Robert held hands on the rear of the boat..the um..starbucks bow... and looked back on the mainland...as they headed for their new home...um..Seattle.

Is that great or what?

[Robert Linford]

Luxury round the world cruise.

Fully equipped with lifebelts.

Available from Howard Brown Enterprises
3 Oil Drum Lane
Philadelphia
Knock on third window and ask for Luigi

[Archaic]

Howard's penalty for losing the weekly caption contest on the 'Titan Uranus'
was to scrub the entire poop-deck on his hands and knees...

Howie begged to be keel-hauled instead,
but cruel Captain Linford merely laughed his piratey laugh and refused.

:)

[Debbie D]

Note to self:

NEVER let Howard and Sir Bob pick the caption photo EVER again.

[Archaic]

Dear Debbie, I second that Note To Self!

[Stephen Thomas]

Don't lose your bottle

(a bit of Cockney rhyming slang there)

[Archaic]

Hmmmm...waddle, coddle...???

[Stephen Thomas]

Hint........

Bottle is short for bottle and glass.

[Currerbell]

as in ass???!!!:banghead:

[Robert Linford]

Seeing the photo reminded How to call in at the doc's and get his bottom de-barnacled.

[Archaic]

Seeing the photo reminded How to call in at the doc's and get his bottom de-barnacled.

LOL!!!

OK, Stephen..."Don't break your bottle and glass"...

Hmmm..I don't know. "(Don't) waddle and shake your ass?"

Or break your ass??

"Wait til time has passed???".... "Don't walk so darn fast?"

Darn those Cockneys! Does anybody else know?

[Debbie D]

As the JTR Forums Captionmeister, I hereby declare this caption OVER! :clap2:

RIPPER & NON-RIPPER
:first: :noidea:

:banghead:SAD SONG LOSERS:banghead:
:violin: Sir Bob
:violin: How Brown


BUT....


There are still 2 days left! So here is a NEW picture for you to scrutinize and captionize until then! Judging will be Early Monday Morning!
Good Luck!:kiss:

6704

[How Brown]

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack had the balls
Until the horsie gave a kick...

[How Brown]

Seattle MENSA

[How Brown]

While the Hungarian ( They really do look like Hungarians...no taste at all in those gauchely designed uniforms...they look like Indianapolis cops ) steeplechase squad went through their pre tournament drills....a lilting melody was heard wafting from a car radio...."Don't It Make My Brown Eye Blue ?"....a portent of things to come.

[Debbie D]

Geeeeeezzze Howard.... Do I need to cancel this contest too?:rant:

[How Brown]

Debbie:

Why on earth would anyone want to put a halt to the superiororities...that I've placed so far?

[Debbie D]

How,

You seem to have a superiority complex about your inferior caption preformance. Hmmm... have you disscussed this with your shrink?:banghead:

[Archaic]

Seattle MENSA

You're dead, How.
And just for that, I will never tell you my IQ, not even if you beg. (Hint: It's a lot more higher than yours!)


>> Debbie, this new photo is a thousand times better; thanks for putting the last one out of its misery.

Now if you could just do something about the ding-dongs that chose it...

[Archaic]

Brown Related:

Quack Veterinarian Howard Brown takes Equine Artificial Insemination to new heights,
but the legality of his "new improved method" is in some doubt.

Observers note there is serious cause for concern as it has already been established that
the colts born by this particular method turn out dumber every generation, just like the Browns.

:boxing::boxing::boxing:

[Archaic]

Traditional Late Victorian
Cossack treatment for self-abuse.

[Archaic]

The Mongol Horde spotted relaxing
after a little pillage and a few beers.

[Archaic]

THE PERILS OF RESEARCH:

As we all know, 'Cadosch Enthusiast' How Brown volunteers to
impersonate the backyard fence at #29 Hanbury Street every chance he gets.

Unfortunately, after years of dedicated effort How has failed to establish whether it was
possible for Cadosch to view the Ripper...

But the work isn't a total loss, because his compulsive 're-enactments'
have definitely enabled How to view a number of things not ordinarily seen.

[Jon Simons]

Ripper

Inspector Reid was concerned that the Guardsmen at the Tower were not taking the line up seriously.

[Jon Simons]

Non Ripper

The Australian equestrian team were having problems adjusting after their long haul flight.

[Jon Simons]

Most of those who attended admitted that the planning of the Gymnastic and Equestrian events could have been better.

[Jon Simons]

Most foul

Outrage as Internet porn reaches new sick extremes

[Archaic]

Ripper

Inspector Reid was concerned that the Guardsmen at the Tower were not taking the line up seriously.

That's a good one, Jon :)

[tel]

Swearing off caption writing forever, Hugh Jass takes up extreme handstanding.

[Currerbell]

LOL Ive just come on here, and thought what the hell has that lot go to do with the ship photo?!:der:

How come the original was cancelled? Are we having 2 caption contests in one week?!!:faint:

Im sooooo confused!

[Currerbell]

How attends his first gymkhana...

[Currerbell]

The Red Arrows resorted to using horses after the jets failed their MOT's...


(For those who have never heard of the Red Arrows, see here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Arrows )

[Currerbell]

Bumping up...

[Sam Flynn]

JTR-related: Horse slaughters man's knackers

Non-related: Never before had the expression "Make a wish" seemed more appropriate or timely

[Debbie D]

LOL Ive just come on here, and thought what the hell has that lot go to do with the ship photo?!:der:

How come the original was cancelled? Are we having 2 caption contests in one week?!!:faint:

Im sooooo confused!

This is a "special" week for 2 "special" people who forced me to post a losing photograph. :rant:

I decided to post a new photo for the more intelligent users of this forum.:kiss:

[ferret]

Swearing off caption writing forever, Hugh Jass takes up extreme handstanding.

wasn't that Hugh Janus?? Oops wrong pic!!!:faint::kiss::faint:

[ferret]

Non Rip-The Russian PM junior class were forced to re-think their Y-section technique

Rip-(Voice off)- OK Mr Diemschutz enough rehearsal time!!!

[Archaic]

The Uzbeki Executioners were told that the prisoner had been condemned to be "Hung, Drawn and Quartered",
but no one could find the directions.

[Mrs.Fiddymont]

Captain Castrato doing his famous handstand trick!

[Gumshoe]

He did this on a dare, but he didn't have the balls afterward to do it again.

[Gumshoe]

With Mishter Brown in the background crowd, that makes three arses visible in one picture.

[Mrs.Fiddymont]

He did this on a dare, but he didn't have the balls afterward to do it again.

LOL! He had nothing left to lose!! :lol:

[Mrs.Fiddymont]

Known to police and military as "The Old Bottoms-Up Maneuver"!

[tel]

wasn't that Hugh Janus?? Oops wrong pic!!!:faint::kiss::faint:

... or Hugh G Goh.

[Archaic]

The Seattle Polo Club decides to knock a few balls around.

[Archaic]

In an ingenious coded message to undercover detectives in the field,

the Queen's Household Cavalry spells out the word R-I-P-P-E-R in semaphore.

[Archaic]

AMERICAN IDLE:

Now that he is so very close to realizing his dream,
Howard is utterly thrilled to know that soon he will be able to hit the high notes!

[Archaic]

"Y-M-C-A!"

[How Brown]

OH...how about that !

"Polish calvary" eh? Hmmm...an ethnic joke from a lib-o-ral ? The third smartest ethnic group in Europe smeared by a member of the only ethnic entity known to man with 90 proof blood.:playball: You opened up the doors on that one,sweets..er, McSweets.:kiss:


Looks like I'm rubbin' off on someone...:playball:...and in a good way. I'm a little Polish & Irish ( fortunately not too much...) and its all in fun,anyway. I liked it.

How drunk were you when you thought it up?

[Archaic]

OH
How drunk were you when you thought it up?

Merely mildly pixilated, How; that's my usual state. But I don't need the hard stuff- I'm high on Life. :)

OK, here's another caption, inspired by Robert Linford's old standby.

Non-Ripper Related: Team of Irish Light-Bulb Changers.

There, are you happy???

McArchaic

[Robert Linford]

Mr Brown took comfort from the fact that if the horse failed to clear the obstacle, his hooves might be large but the danger area was vanishingly small.

[Archaic]

YOU WOULD IF YOU LOVED ME:

Howard offers to demonstrate his perfect faith in Archaic and her horsie.

[Debbie D]

RIPPER
:first: Jon Simons
"Inspector Reid was concerned that the Guardsmen at the Tower were not taking the line up seriously."
:second: Archaic
"Traditional Late Victorian Cossack treatment for self-abuse."

NON-RIPPER
:first: Sam Flynn
"Never before had the expression "Make a wish" seemed more appropriate or timely"
:second: How Brown
"Jack be nimble-Jack be quick-Jack had the balls-Until the horsie gave a kick..."

BROWN RELATED
:first: Gumshoe
"With Mishter Brown in the background crowd, that makes three arses visible in one picture."
:second: Robert Linford
"Mr Brown took comfort from the fact that if the horse failed to clear the obstacle, his hooves might be large but the danger area was vanishingly small."
:third: Tel
"Swearing off caption writing forever, Hugh Jass takes up extreme handstanding."

CAPTION MOST FOUL
:puke: Archaic
"Quack Veterinarian Howard Brown takes Equine Artificial Insemination to new heights, but the legality of his "new improved method" is in some doubt. Observers note there is serious cause for concern as it has already been established that the colts born by this particular method turn out dumber every generation, just like the Browns."

MOST DISTURBING MENTAL IMAGE
:faint2: Robert Linford
"Mr Brown took comfort from the fact that if the horse failed to clear the obstacle, his hooves might be large but the danger area was vanishingly small."

[Jon Simons]

Back of the net!!!

Thank you Debbie and Carmine :thumbsupbud: