Week of August 31st - Sept. 6th, 2009

[Debbie D]

Howdy Folks,
After last weeks caption cluster :rant: f$#%, I felt we should get "back to the basics" of caption hijinks. Here is a special image for y'all. Post your best Ripper, Non-Ripper, Brown and Caption Most Foul. Good luck!:playball:

6711

[Simon Wood]

"Angel Eyes, that old Devil sent,
They burn unbearably bright.
May I say that my love's misspent,
Misspent with Angel Eyes tonight."

Regards,

Simon

[Archaic]

Liz Stride liked to tell the story of how she knew the 'Princess Alice' was really sinking
when all the rats began to leave her clothing.

[Jon Simons]

To the delight of the regulars, the Pied Piper picked up his hypnotic tune, and Mary sighed, not again.

[Jon Simons]

Joe said it was Astrakhan and it had cost him a weeks wages, but Mary wasn`t convinced.

[Robert Linford]

NINA : Right! If How's demanding ratatouille for dinner, by god he'll have ratatouille.

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper:

Ratty Street landlady

Non-Ripper:

The Vermin Mary

Brown:

Nina had sore misgivings when the outfit How bought for her started squeaking.

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper:

Newly discovered pic of witness Mary Mousfield

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper:

Furry Fay

[Caroline Morris]

Non-Ripper:

Joan Greenwood in Whiskers Galore!

[Robert Linford]

...........and according to Stephen Knight's book, Mary and the other victims were murdered when they threatened to rat on the Establishment.

[Caroline Morris]

Ripper:

Proof that Mary got totally ratted most nights.

[How Brown]

The real reason for only one murder occurring below Commercial Road were the commercial rodents.

[How Brown]

Eviscerat this.

[Sam Flynn]

JTR-related: Rodent ulster

Non-related: Never again would she wear a cheesecloth shirt

[Mike Covell]

Ripper

The SUSU woman had her Autumn Winter collection ready.

Stephenson had found a suggestion in the work of Levi and made a jacket for Annie!

Non-Ripper

Rats the way, ha ha, ha ha, I like it, ha ha.

Rats the way to do it.

Littlewoods Ratpack collection didn't take off!

Finally the father of Michael Jackson's child "Blanket" is revealed, sadly, Roland Rat hid amongst his friends and denied everything!

If you think her jacket looks nice, you should see her underwear!

[tel]

When the rats deserted the Titan Uranus .....

[Debbie D]

When the rats deserted the Titan Uranus .....

Even the rats knew it was a bad caption photo!:kiss:

[Nemo]

"This Gorgonzola perfume may be alright on the streets of Paris, but it has it's problems in the East End..."


Mice dress you're wearing...

[Gumshoe]

Here we see one of the fringe benefits of a lady's dating Jack the Ratter.
http://www.legend-and-lore.com/jack-black.html

With the right attire, an otherwise mousy lady can look really foxy.

I know we have reserved seats for The Mousetrap, darling, but I still need to rat my hair before we go.

I thought you said that you'd bought me an ermine coat while on that trip to Philadelphia.

[Brad McGinnis]

Walt always said his wife was his inspiration but no one ever saw Mrs Disney.

[Archaic]

Eviscerat this.

Oh my God, Howard finally said something funny!!

I'm afraid it's a clear sign that the end of the world is imminent.

[Archaic]

Florence claimed that she didn't have a boyfriend,
but James was pretty sure he smelled a rat.

[Archaic]

Proof that the annoying human sub-type known as "The Common Mall-Rat"
was around even in Victorian times-

Fashion Street was said to be crawling with them.

[Robert Linford]

Here is my caption entry :

Eviscerat this.

That's what's known as bubonic plagiarism.

[Caroline Morris]

Rattus Rattus.

That's what's known in the trade as a double event.

Eviscerat this.

That's what's known in the trade as a triple event. [Bubonic plagiarism will be the black death of us.]

[Caroline Morris]

A lesson for girls to speak clearly when ordering their Rampant Rabbits.

[Sam Flynn]

Rattus Rattus.
Rattus norvegicus: a rat who refuses to eat his greens.

[How Brown]

Here is my caption entry :

Eviscerat this.

That's what's known as bubonic plagiarism.

DEBBIE !....Robert has committed a violation of the rules of the Caption by mimimimimicing me. Waah....:banghead:

[Sam Flynn]

French rat: A rat who sticks his tongue down your throat

Ratiocination: Chinese or Indian rat

Rattan: Brown rat

Ratatouille: A pair of rats

Rather: Female rat

Rat-a-tat: Shabby-genteel rat

Rataplan: Scheming rat (see also 'politician')

Ratify: To cause something/someone to resemble a rat

Ration: A rat with one or more missing electrons

Jolly Jack Rat: Dyslexic sailor

Ratio: Rat-shaped moon of Jupiter

Ratchet: The act of passing a rat out of one's anus

Rabies: Sending a rat to bed without having "t"

[Archaic]

McCarthy denied that his rental units were shabby broken-down rat-traps, but Mrs. McCarthy knew better...

After all, she did a roaring business in rat-kebobs at their little shop.

[Archaic]

The Pet Psychic was convinced that her client's rats were all a particular species known as the Norway Rat,
because when she asked if they cared for a bit of cheese,
the rats replied, "Yah, sure, you betcha!"

[tel]

English cricket fans sneaking into Headingly disguised as a dress.

[Currerbell]

Still jealous Tel?!! (:kiss:)

[tel]

:heh: Now how did I know that would bring someone out of hiding.

[Brad McGinnis]

Florrie Maybrick wanted a mise sharp dress to wear to the Cotton Merchants Ball.

[Brad McGinnis]

Wilma Peagasser, a spokeswoman for PETA, demonstrates you can still wear fur without resorting to the killing of animals.

[admin tim]

Amazingly, Nina didn't smell a rat when Howard brought her the 'fur' coat he said he found at the Dollar Store.

[Rob Clack]

The Rats of Hamlyn used some unusual methods to hide from the Pied Piper.

[Archaic]

A little-known eyewitness statement that Mary Kelly was "last seen singing 'My Way' with a blue-eyed man"
has been reinforced by the recent discovery of a photo which suggests that
MJK did in fact associate with The Rat Pack.

[Caroline Morris]

Seen in the Illustrated Weekly Gossip, with the caption:

Joe Barnett was able to identify the woman by her: "mousey hair and rats' tails".

[Robert Linford]

We took this woman and covered her in rats. Then, we asked her to give a drunken rendition of 'Only A Violet.' See? The rats disappear double-quick.

Mary Kelly Enterprises Rat Repellent. Clears vermin fast!

[Currerbell]

Frankly my dear, I dont give a rats arse....

Tel - I never hide, just lurk.... ;-)

[Caroline Morris]

"She squeaked, three times, but not very loudly".

"Did you give her any cheese?"

"No, I didn't give Edam. I Caerphilly avoided trouble and ran incontinently to Cheshire Street, then on to Limeswold Boursin."

[Robert Linford]

Then I renninto a policeman who ran his words together. He asked me where I was fromage etc and asked me if the murderer had Gouda eyes out. He said the air was very stilltonight, and on the mild side. He then went away, promising me that the Met was hard at work on the Kase.

[Archaic]

Yay, Caz and Robert!!!

(But just between you and me, Caz, poor Robert's theory is full of holes.)

:)

[Archaic]

THE NEWS FROM WHITECHAPEL:

Police have abruptly abandoned their search for "Leather Apron".

An eager new witness known only as "Tom" has come forward and promises to lead them straight to the bolt-hole of a small swarthy companion he calls "Jerry".

[Archaic]

Whitechapel Business Report c.1850:

John Miller has won the grand prize in the hotly contested Dorset Street competition 'Build A Better Rat-Trap'.

[Archaic]

Brilliant JtRF researcher Archaic has discovered exciting new evidence which may finally succeed in pinning the blame for the Ripper murders on a shadowy character known as 'The Ratty Street Lodger'.

[Archaic]

Fractured Shakespeare...

ROMEO & JULIET

Mercutio: "A plague on both your mouses!"

[Caroline Morris]

Brilliant JtRF researcher Archaic has discovered exciting new evidence which may finally succeed in pinning the blame for the Ripper murders on a shadowy character known as 'The Ratty Street Lodger'.

Er, Archy, see #7

Ripper:

Ratty Street landlady

[Caroline Morris]

Then I renninto a policeman who ran his words together. He asked me where I was fromage etc and asked me if the murderer had Gouda eyes out. He said the air was very stilltonight, and on the mild side. He then went away, promising me that the Met was hard at work on the Kase.

Emmental, my dear Robert.

And the Big Cheese was disturbed when Louis Danish blue into the yard with his mascarpone and quark.

[Sam Flynn]

And the Big Cheese was disturbed when Louis Danish blue into the yard with his mascarpone and quark.If you'd halloumi to interject, I'm not so sure that it was a quark that he drove into Dovedale's Yarg. I'd say it was more of a truckle.

[Robert Linford]

There seem to be some serious cheese connoisseurs on this thread. So, not tonight, some other night (cheeseboard school remark).

[Sam Flynn]

There seem to be some serious cheese connoisseurs on this thread. So, not tonight, some other night (cheeseboard school remark).
Thinks... if one wanted to make a warm cheese dip out of a woman's milk, would one have to fondue her breasts?

[Nemo]

Another sleepless night after a hard day's work in the cheese factory



"I asked for Ermine not vermin!"



"Using women as bait for the Ripper encouraged attempts in other pest problem areas - "Cheaper than cheese" was the comment from McCarthy

[How Brown]

Being the smeartest person on JTRForums, I noticed first before anyone else did that there were 12 rats on the woman's person. However ,I originally, its funny, counted a dozen...but now I see there are only 12.

12 little rats
Sitting on lil' Mary Kelly
The woman ate one
Now its down in her belly

11 little rats
Make me a nervous wreck
Not Mary Kelly
She slapped one off her neck

10 little rats
Slimy and stuff..
She whacked that nasty one
Making moves on 'er muff

9 little rats
One a'squirmin' on a teat
Mary tossed him off and told it
"Go to McCarthy's n' eat..."

8 little rats
One got the push
It forgot what happened to
# 10 and her bush....

7 little rats
Making their intrusions
Will one more be walloped ?
Thats a sapient conclusion ! ( For Mike and the boys back at Cust.House)

6 little rats
A veritable half dozen
One got smacked into next week
He didn't know where he wuzzin

5 little rats
One got turned into goop
Seems Mary got hungry
and tossed one in her soup

4 little rats
Wonderin' whether to split
One got popped in the chops
By Mary's fiery Irish mitt...

3 little rats
Know a trio's a crowd
One took a hike
He wasn't too proud

2 little rats
Now with all that space
No dice,said Mary K...
Get outta my face

1 little rat
Will he depart ?
No way Jose
He's gonna go the way of her heart...

[Robert Linford]

The Curds on Mitre Square.

[How Brown]

Curds ? No whey!!!

Those are "ad hoc" rats....which means they are at large in HowardBrownese...

[Archaic]

How, please allow me to say that your 12 Little Rats Song may be your finest contribution to date.

Just picture it animated & set to music!

[Currerbell]

Batmans new girlfriend, Ratwoman

[How Brown]

Thanks Archaic. I know it was great. Now I see others do too.

[Archaic]

This is the original hand-painted wooden sign which hung over the Ripper's
favorite seedy Whitechapel Pub: 'The Rat And Whore'.


PS to How: Nah, it wasn't. :)

[How Brown]

Yeah.. it was...because I'm right about 'em. But no sweat off my scalp if you aren't convinced.

:kiss:

[Archaic]

Posh Spice knew they'd criticize her outfit today, but next week they'll all be wearing it.

[Currerbell]

When the doss houses closed, she had no choice but to retire to sleep in the sewers with her mates...

[Debbie D]

Ladies, Gentlemen....... and Howie (((:pound:)))

I have a cookout to go to today. Actually a cook-in since it is raining, but I digress. You will have until midnight to submit your captions for this squeaky photo. I will judge later tonight! Good luck one and all. :) :kiss:

[How Brown]

Debbie:

Just tell the little small people that I won and put 'em outta their misery.

[Debbie D]

RIPPER
:first: Caroline Morris "Ratty Street landlady"
:first: How Brown "Eviscerat this."
:second: Jon Simons "Joe said it was Astrakhan and it had cost him a weeks wages, but Mary wasn`t convinced."
:third: Caroline Morris "Proof that Mary got totally ratted most nights."


NON RIPPER
:first: Brad McGinnis "Wilma Peagasser, a spokeswoman for PETA, demonstrates you can still wear fur without resorting to the killing of animals."
:second: Rob Clack "The Rats of Hamlyn used some unusual methods to hide from the Pied Piper."
:third: Sam Flynn "Never again would she wear a cheesecloth shirt"

BROWN RELATED
:first: Admin Tim "Amazingly, Nina didn't smell a rat when Howard brought her the 'fur' coat he said he found at the Dollar Store."
:second: Robert Linford "NINA : Right! If How's demanding ratatouille for dinner, by god he'll have ratatouille."

CAPTION MOST FOUL
:noidea: :puke:

[How Brown]

Why do I even care anymore ?:banghead:

Did you or did you not even look at my spectacular post about the Commercial rodents?:banghead:

Both of my captions were like Babe Ruth efforts in a Little League ballpark....and only one gets mentioned in the win,place, and show?

What about the friggin' poem ? You've gotta ordinarily pay for quality material like that !!!! :banghead:

The rest of the captions were just "merch"...commodities...common efforts by a bunch of poseurs and plagiarists...ferchrissakes, Linford can't even spell Rattattooey...:banghead:

I'm going into seclusion...I want to be alone for awhile..this was devastating.:faint:

I'll be back in ten minutes.

[Robert Linford]

Cheer up, How. You do have one fan who thinks that your captions are always hilarious and witty, and your poem magnificent.

That fan is you.

[How Brown]

Bob:

Do me a favor and send me Debbie's paypal address so I can start making payoffs to her like you and Caz do. I'd like to win one in the way you and Mrs. Morris do for once...by payola. I see the light. I will 'go with the flow'. I will be an ordinary person. I will be common peasant stock like you and Sam Flynn and the mouthy woman from Seattle and the ravishin' one from Surrey. I will be just plain folks. I will lift the seat before peeing like everyone else. I will be a dog lover. I will love horses. I will acquiesce to the call of the Morlocks. I will be like Tim. Just let me in on the set up. Being honest and talented has gotten me nowhere. Handsome too, did I forget to mention that?


I have sent a truckload of aluminum siding to Debbie so she could spruce up that trailer she lives in down by the river...but I guess she's sticking to straight cash transactions instead.

[Robert Linford]

How, you have the comic genius and super-intelligence of Oliver Hardy and Albert Einstein. The trouble is, Einstein was a lousy comedian and Hardy knew sod all about science.:boxing:

[How Brown]

Actually, since its Labor Day over here, I have the hair of Einstein and Hardyesque belly out and about today. I'm tired and taking it easy.... Also, since I usually post completely in the nude on these message boards, but being that company came over( Nina's mom , three aunts and three nieces ), I put some socks on. I thought I'd give you a nice visual,since we're such buddies...:kiss:

I need that pay pal addy buddy...I wanna be in with the in crowd !

[Robert Linford]

How, I assure you that Debbie is unbribable. Any modest success I may have attained is due neither to any flowers I may have sent her, nor the boxes of chocs, nor the Charles Aznavour records.

[Caroline Morris]

Also, since I usually post completely in the nude on these message boards...

You too eh, How?

It's a small world - very small. :kiss:

[Robert Linford]

How, I type with one finger. Looks like you do too.