Week of Sept. 28th, 2009

[Debbie D]

Hi folks!!!
Carmine and I have a super cool image for you this week! Post your best Ripper, Non-Ripper, Brown and Caption Most Foul for this image!


http://www.newmansgermanshepherds.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/robot123.jpg

[Archaic]

A rare 1905 photo has been discovered in which author Jack London
makes the acquaintance of one of the People of the Abyss.

[Archaic]

Dr. Tumblety's Patented Cure For Self-Abuse.

[Archaic]

The police divers were not happy when they learned that their new 'Underwater Survival-Suits'
were built by a Mr. Sievey.

[Brad McGinnis]

Hymie Lindenfelter, the director of Yahoo personals, thought he came up with the perfect Steampunk girlfrend for Vila, only to find out Vila had married Lynn, a real (and foxy) girl. (Sorry Lil bro and sis, but this was to easy)

[Brad McGinnis]

During the "Autumn of Terror", French designers came up with an outfit that savy Whitechappel hookers should wear.

[Brad McGinnis]

After How's recent statements, friends recommended this appearal to sell cheesesteaks at the Buddy's of Obama rally.

[tel]

Sorry Debs - can't 'elp meself,

Titan Uranus, yer goin' over the side

[Robert Linford]

Originally, Druitt put stones in his pockets - then decided to go the whole hog, just to make sure.

[How Brown]

Apprehended and incarcerated at last, the police felt confident in showing off their definitely ascertained ( and galvanized) suspect..........

...........G.Wentworth DivingBell Smith

[Caroline Morris]

Brown Most Foul:

How's luck runs out when he meets the face behind the voice that asked: "Would someone come and grease my nipples?"

[Archaic]

The new protective work suit designed for London's Night Soil Men appeared to be a great success,
except when it came to the strange hook-and-mechanical-claw features...

Frustrated workers trying to test the suit complained that somehow it all slipped through their hands.

[How Brown]

RoboPross

[Archaic]

From The Star, October 1888:

Toffs wishing to go 'slumming' in Whitechapel but very sensibly concerned about the danger
posed by the Whitechapel Murderer have invented a new protective suit and a new sport:
Deep-Sleaze Diving.

[Archaic]

RoboPross

OMG, How actually wrote a funny caption!!!

Good one, How. :)

[Caroline Morris]

Jack was not going to be beaten by this 'foreign' looking woman:

"Anyone got a tin opener?" he quipped.

[How Brown]

Thanks Archy....maybe at some point in the years ahead...you will too.

[Caroline Morris]

"I've read all Dr Tumblety's instructions, but I'm damned if I know how I'm supposed to go muff diving in this contraption."

[Archaic]

Dr. Tumblety presents his FASHIONABLE new 1888 'Anti-Venereal Disease' line of Menswear:

If you wear this posh suit and are approached by a syphilitic streetwalker of any gender,

lights flash, the arms wave around, and it cries out "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!!"

[Archaic]

The 1st-Ever Lady's Underwater Suit is presented and nicknamed "The Diving Belle".

[Archaic]

Recommended wearing for tourists interested in exploring the many pubs and dives of the East End.

[Caroline Morris]

"Go on, laugh. I've been playing this ruddy fruit machine for hours and I haven't won a sodding farthing yet."

[How Brown]

Do either of you ladies...Archaic and Caroline.... think its wise to continue spending time trying to out superiorize the two gems I offered already ?

Its just that I worry that you're letting other important things slip by...'cause I care about the both of yez...

[Caroline Morris]

Thames Torso Decoy

[Archaic]

Mr. Brown's improved design for an Inflatable Girl-Friend features permanently-hard nipples...

but friends wonder if he really thought this one through.



PS to How: Wasn't it just last week that you cracked a filling & cut your tongue??

The mystery is solved...Smirk, smirk. :pound:

[Archaic]

Kidnappers phone Queen Victoria to say "We have Prince Albert in a can."

[Caroline Morris]

"And what does your wife do while you're deep sea diving?"

"Oh it's difficult to say really - she sells sea shells on the sea shore."

[Caroline Morris]

The raw materials for the 'Fisherman's Widow'.

[tel]

In the early days chastity belts were somewhat cumbersome.

[How Brown]

I see that my suggestions were all for (mac)naught(en). Good luck to you two harridans then...

Yes dear Archaic...it was two weeks ago I bit my tongue. However, those nickleplated nips and tungsten teats on our Dorset Street muff diver weren't the cause.

It was when I was trying to get my foot outta my mouth that occurred.:lol:

Ripper related:

Dear Le Boss:

I'm (going) down on whores and shant be happy until riptide occurs

Yours Truly
Jacques The Cousteau

[Caroline Morris]

Very well, How. If you are to insist that I be a harridan...

"You're not ripping me off with this expensive new-fangled contraceptive device", chuckled How. "My face is my contraception".

[Robert Linford]

Does my bum look big in this?

[Caroline Morris]

Recently discovered photo of Lawende with the suspect he refused to identify on account of a rather unfortunate misunderstanding.

Through gritted teeth, the witness is snarling: "Idiots. This man is due some metal polish, not some mental Polish Jew."

[Robert Linford]

The Tin Man didn't have a heart. Jack set about getting him one.

"When a man's an empty kettle..."

[Jon Simons]

Director, James Cameron, admits original Terminator film now looks dated.

[Sam Flynn]

JTR-related: Professor Glenn Lauritz Andersson reveals his latest creation, "Der Robot Andersson".

Non-related: If you think he's big, you ought to see the fish-tank I took him from!

[Gumshoe]

Mishter Brown belatedly realized that he had all along been holding some of the details to the plans for his mechanical administrator upside down, which is how the nuts ended up on the chest.


Grandpa Brown, obsessed with the sexpot female robot in the film Metropolis, tries building his own and discovers that often-fatal gap between conception and execution. Eighty years later, Mishter Brown, a chip off of the old deviant block, avoids this disappointment by going the inflatable doll route.

[Archaic]

Mishter Brown belatedly realized that he had all along been holding some of the details to the plans for his mechanical administrator upside down, which is how the nuts ended up on the chest.


LOL, Gumshoe!

[Archaic]

How's new Mechanical Girlfriend isn't that bad...

Unless you realize that this is the look he was actually going for-

Meet Howard's 'Perfect Woman':


http://i627.photobucket.com/albums/tt355/2Archaic/JTRF/goddess.jpg

[How Brown]

Wow...did women really have that many tits back in ancient times? Thats a pretty cool statue. Who is that? Cleotitra?

[Sam Flynn]

Wow...did women really have that many tits back in ancient times? Thats a pretty cool statue. Who is that? Cleotitra?
Nefertitty

[Archaic]

The real joke is her present location... Can you guess?


She's in the Vatican!!!


By the way, I believe it's the Goddess Artemis, the Patron Goddess of very needy & infantile men...
I think a similar statue is still standing at Ephesus in Turkey.


PS: Sam, I'm glad to see you can descend to How's level... he needs company. :)

[How Brown]

My man Sam.

At first glance, I was all gender confused...tee hee...and thought it was an ancient Syrian likeness of Beelzeboob.

Thanks for the response...I think your answer is more better than mine, the udder one, was....

[Archaic]

Howie, maybe you'd prefer her older sister, The Venus of Willendorf?

She was all the rage in 25,000 B.C.

(And might be a tad bit easier to render in metal)

http://i627.photobucket.com/albums/tt355/2Archaic/JTRF/Venus_von_Willendorf_01.jpg


Actually, this one's not too far off:
http://i627.photobucket.com/albums/tt355/2Archaic/JTRF/robot123.jpg

[Archaic]

NEWS FROM WHITECHAPEL:

A secondary Graffitto written in a strange foreign language has been discovered in Goulston Street
near the bloody apron bit. While some investigators contend that this cryptic message is written
in an archaic form of ritual Yiddish, others disagree.

The chalked inscription reads simply "Klaatu barada nikto."

Those recognizing this strange phrase are requested to contact the police immediately.

[Sam Flynn]

At first glance, I was all gender confused...tee hee...and thought it was an ancient Syrian likeness of Beelzeboob.
... or Papomet

[Archaic]

Hollywood:

C3PO has been arrested on charges of abusing illegal Anabolic Steroids
in order to 'bulk up' and gain new movie roles.

The diminutive star released a press statement in which he explained that
he was "tired of being mistaken for a portable vacuum-cleaner."

[Caroline Morris]

... or Papomet

...or Jugsernaut

[tel]

The City Fathers commisioned the Philadelphia Flatulence Containment System with one citizen in mind.

[Robert Linford]

One for How and Gareth : Friedrich Nietzsche unveils his Superman.

[Roy Corduroy]

:violin: Ye Olde Singing Caption :violin:

Riders on the Storm
Iron suit keeps me warm
PeePee through a hose
Where the Dookie goes? :bounce:
If I cut the cheese
It makes me have to wheeze
Riders on the storm

[Jon Simons]

Proud owner, Arthur Pugh, pictured at the 1905 Action Man Fair

[Archaic]

Under cover of darkness, Jack the Ripper eagerly set forth to kill
in his ingenious new Anti-Barnaby & Burgho Scent-Proof Metal Suit.

Hours later he returned in creaking, reeking mortification
after every dog in Whitechapel had mistaken him for a giant fire-hydrant & peed on his legs.

[Caroline Morris]

Unveiled: the latest protective body suit for foolhardy posters venturing into Hutchinson territory.

(Modelled by Fisherman)

[Robert Linford]

How was turned to steel
In the great magnetic field

[Caroline Morris]

That's our How: Nerves of steel, heart of gold, an iron will, brass neck, greased nipples and a knob of butter.

[Archaic]

That's our How: Nerves of steel, heart of gold, an iron will, brass neck, greased nipples and a knob of butter.

Caz, I'm kind of afraid to ask... but what's the butter for???

[Jon Simons]

Ripper

Pearly Poll prepares to follow through with her threats to throw herself into the Thames.

[Archaic]

Mr. Brown's Bunker Mentality finally gets the best of him,
& he decides to retire to the safety of his Social Isolation Tank.

(He plans to do so as soon as he has figured out how to successfully receive
daily Pepperoni Pizza deliveries from inside it. :pizza:)

[Robert Linford]

"The truth did at one time lie at the bottom of the Thames, if my conjectures be correct."

Female scientists at last design a man who isn't gross and doesn't pick his nose.

[Jon Simons]

Madonna pictured backstage on latest tour

[Sam Flynn]

Caz, I'm kind of afraid to ask... but what's the butter for???A fondly-remembered lightning sketch from Harry Enfield and Chums, featuring the "Lovely Wobbly Old Ladies".

1st Old Lady [watching television]: Ooh! Butter's gone up again!

2nd Old Lady [entering room]: You watchin' the Food Programme?

1st Old Lady: Nah... Last Tango in Paris.

[Caroline Morris]

Hi Sam,

I think Archy will get the picture now... thanks. Lovely memory. :lol:

Love,

3rd Wobbly Old Lady
XXX

[Archaic]

That's what I was afraid of....

uh, thanks, guys...

:ohwell:

[Archaic]

Madonna pictured backstage on latest tour


Excuse me, Jon, but I 'm pretty sure it's Britney.

:pound:

[Archaic]

Female scientists at last design a man who isn't gross and

doesn't

CAN'T

pick his nose.


Men always need help with the details. :laugh:

[Caroline Morris]

Excuse me, Jon, but I 'm pretty sure it's Britney.

:pound:

I'm pretty sure Britney doesn't have a moustache yet.

Oh, you meant the artificial monster on the left, didn't you? Sorry, my mistake. As you were. :tea:

[Archaic]

Celebrity News:

Michael Jackson's top-secret Hyperbaric Chamber is finally up for auction...

Now you too can not be beautiful, sane or healthy.

[Archaic]

That's our How: Nerves of steel, heart of gold, an iron will, brass neck, greased nipples and a knob of butter.


Ummm... How, maybe you better read this UK definition of "Knob", cuz it's not one we use here in the good ole US of A...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knob

Meanwhile, I will duck behind the sofa & watch the intercontinental battle. :behindsofa:

[Rob Clack]

Howards new bondage outfit was just a little creepy.

[Archaic]

OMG, Rob, you just reminded me of where I've seen How in that S&M gear before:

http://i627.photobucket.com/albums/tt355/2Archaic/JTRF/gimp.jpg

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[Sam Flynn]

Ummm... How, maybe you better read this UK definition of "Knob"...
Sometimes spelt "nob", that particular bit of British slang was the cause of much amusement in the office whenever someone got out a bottle of "Nob-o-Clene" fluid to clear a whiteboard.

[Brad McGinnis]

This is the cover of Stan Russo's new book, "The Fifty Worst Lays of All Time". Sorry buddy, but it jumped out at me.

[Caroline Morris]

Ummm... How, maybe you better read this UK definition of "Knob", cuz it's not one we use here in the good ole US of A...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knob

Meanwhile, I will duck behind the sofa & watch the intercontinental battle. :behindsofa:

Hi Archy,

Ah, the full horror of my ancient joke finally dawns - on the day it gets a telegram from the queen. :lol:

Nerves of steel, heart of gold, an iron will, brass neck, greased nipples and a knob of butter.

Just trying to make How sound more human, don't yer know.

[How Brown]

Thanks for that Caz...I just popped outta my "bunker" when I read "Archy's" comments...I had to really....some putz was at the door with a pizza. I dicked him on the tip...er, excuse me, I knobbed him.:loco:

What other anatomical part has as many nicknames as the mighty Johnson, I ask you? There's a lotta of truth in some of those terms of endearment.

Just ask our very own..."Tiny" Tim Mosley.:nod:

[Caroline Morris]

Hi How,

A popular parlour game, for two or more people with nothing better to do, is to go round in order, thinking up different names for naughty body parts, or funny bodily functions. The first person who can't think of one loses.

Incidentally, any parent who calls their son John Thomas, or Harry Loins, or Drew Peacock, should be taken out and shot. They may as well call him Knobby Knob Knob. :loco:

[tel]

Hi How,

A popular parlour game, for two or more people with nothing better to do, is to go round in order, thinking up different names for naughty body parts, or funny bodily functions. The first person who can't think of one loses.

Incidentally, any parent who calls their son John Thomas, or Harry Loins, or Drew Peacock, should be taken out and shot. They may as well call him Knobby Knob Knob. :loco:

Anmd just what is the matter with that????

Your Friend Knobby (Knob Knob)

[Archaic]

Sequel to the action-movies RoboCop and RoboPross: RoboToff



Guys, when I was in college there was a name on the mailboxes in our entry-way that my friends still remember
& laugh about to this day: facing you at eye-level as you came in the front door was a mailbox labeled in large letters " DICK HONG DONG "... that was the poor guy's name!

I also know a man named Dick Testerman... you would think he'd go by "Rich" or "Rick" but he doesn't.
He's the manager of a business & it's on his cards.

[Archaic]

An individual calling himself "Captain Nemo" has been hauled out of the water for questioning
regarding several purported Ripper Letters...

Witnesses claim he was dressed very oddly and trailing great lengths of seaweed.

[Debbie D]

Ripper
:first: Archaic "Dr. Tumblety's Patented Cure For Self-Abuse."
:second: How Brown "RoboPross"
:third: Archaic "Kidnappers phone Queen Victoria to say "We have Prince Albert in a can.""

Non Ripper
:first: Caroline Morris "And what does your wife do while you're deep sea diving?"Oh it's difficult to say really - she sells sea shells on the sea shore."

Brown Reated
:first: Tel "The City Fathers commisioned the Philadelphia Flatulence Containment System with one citizen in mind."
:second: Brad McGinnis "After How's recent statements, friends recommended this appearal to sell cheesesteaks at the Buddy's of Obama rally."
:third: :puke: Caroline Morris "That's our How: Nerves of steel, heart of gold, an iron will, brass neck, greased nipples and a knob of butter.
"

Caption Most Foul
:puke: Caroline Morris "How's luck runs out when he meets the face behind the voice that asked: "Would someone come and grease my nipples?""
:puke: Caroline Morris ""I've read all Dr Tumblety's instructions, but I'm damned if I know how I'm supposed to go muff diving in this contraption.""

Most Annoying Caption
:deadhorse: Tel "Titan Uranus, yer goin' over the side"

[How Brown]

Archaic "Dr. Tumblety's Patented Cure For Self-Abuse."
:second: How Brown "RoboPross"

So...nothing new....I get screwed again...without a concomitant kiss from dogphile Debbie.

May the inbred animals you so carefully feed and nurture one day mistake your breasts for honeydew melons and go "vegan" on you. How in the fizzuck did I lose to Archy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!