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Weekly Caption Contest Finally, a reason to look forward to Mondays! Contests end each Monday and a new one then begins for the week.

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Old August 3rd, 2017, 10:31 AM   #11
Colin Macdonald
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Non JtR:

SIMON COWELL: "Congratulations, you've won X-Factor!"

FIRST WOMAN: "But we haven't even entered."

SECOND WOMAN: "And we can't sing."

SIMON COWELL: "When has that ever mattered? The important thing is that you're shorter than me."

FIRST WOMAN: "No we're not. You're wearing lifts."

SECOND WOMAN: "And a tall hat!"

SIMON COWELL: "Sorry, you're disqualified."
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 11:03 AM   #12
Robert Linford
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MAN : I have a club foot.


WOMAN ONE : I've had a club sandwich.


WOMAN TWO : I'm in the club.
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 11:06 AM   #13
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WOMAN ONE : I see you have a club foot.


MAN : Yes, but why have you just put a notice on the wall beside your door?


WOMAN ONE : Read it.


MAN : (READS) "Lord Byron sold peppermints 'ere."


WOMAN ONE : Want to come in? I've found some of your poems on my walls. Cost you half a crown.
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 11:54 AM   #14
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WOMAN ONE : I think I'll try your wares, Mr Brown.


WOMAN TWO : Don't - last week when I was really hard up, he sold me just half a peppermint.


WOMAN ONE : So?


WONAN TWO : So it was the mint with the hole - and he sold me the hole.
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 11:57 AM   #15
Colin Macdonald
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Linford View Post
WOMAN ONE : I think I'll try your wares, Mr Brown.


WOMAN TWO : Don't - last week when I was really hard up, he sold me just half a peppermint.


WOMAN ONE : So?


WONAN TWO : So it was the mint with the hole - and he sold me the hole.
HOWARD: "I told you it was the mint with the less fattening centre!"
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 11:57 AM   #16
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Kosminski's peppermint business, which had relied on sympathy purchases, hit the rocks when his customers found out that he was a professional sperm donor making money hand over fist.
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 12:00 PM   #17
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In 1888 police were hunting a Mr Brown, who was going around offering women something small to suck.
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 12:01 PM   #18
Colin Macdonald
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HB:

VENDOR: "Okay, well if you can't afford these prices make me an offer. What's your opening bid?"

CUSTOMER: "Two clubs."

VENDOR: "Very funny - but seriously?"

HOWARD (OFF): "Seven no trumps!"

NINA: That'll be the day...."
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 12:13 PM   #19
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MR BROWN : Would you like some of my peppermints? I warn you, they're very hot.


WOMAN : That's 'cause they're stolen.
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Old August 3rd, 2017, 12:17 PM   #20
String
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Woman "Ever get the feeling you've seen this before?"
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