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Weekly Caption Contest Finally, a reason to look forward to Mondays! Contests end each Monday and a new one then begins for the week.

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Old August 14th, 2017, 10:03 AM   #21
Robert Linford
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STRING : Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been?


CAT : I've been up to London to look at the Queen.


HOW : You call me that once more - !
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Old August 14th, 2017, 05:56 PM   #22
Robert Linford
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STRING : So, How, what do you think of the Diary?


HOW : It's a forgery!


STRING : You sound pretty sure.


HOW : I am, and I keep telling Nina but she won't believe me.


STRING : Eh?


HOW : I mean, that entry "sent off for another inflatable" -that ain't me. But she says it's in my writing.


STRING : Graphology isn't a science.


HOW : Yeah but mine isn't joined up....
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Old August 14th, 2017, 06:05 PM   #23
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Buying a bicycle from IKEA had been a mistake.
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Old August 15th, 2017, 06:36 AM   #24
Caroline Brown
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Linford View Post
STRING : So, How, what do you think of the Diary?

HOW : It's a forgery!

STRING : You sound pretty sure.

HOW : I am, and I keep telling Nina but she won't believe me.

STRING : Eh?

HOW : I mean, that entry "sent off for another inflatable" -that ain't me. But she says it's in my writing.

STRING : Graphology isn't a science.

HOW : Yeah but mine isn't joined up....
Neither was Mike Barrett's, Robert.

And his upper and lower case letters were all over the shop.

My cat could have done a better job. Look out for 'Monty Brown's Memoirs', coming soon under a genuine mouse skin cover.
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Old August 15th, 2017, 05:02 PM   #25
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MR BROWN OF SIDMOUTH : So, how did you get here?


STRING : Tube.


MR BROWN OF SIDMOUTH : Which line?


STRING : Fallopian.


MR BROWN OF SIDMOUTH : No, stop messing about.


STRING : OK, but you won't believe me. Colin Macdonald invited me to his caravan. It turned out to be some kind of time capsule. He pulled a lever and I found myself here.


MR BROWN OF SIDMOUTH : It's my fault. I offered Colin a goodly sum if he could send me back to 1961, the year Spurs won the double. But as you can see, he overshot.


STRING : Well we'd better get back to the present. I don't want to be stuck in 1901.


MR BROWN OF SIDMOUTH : 1901??? Oh, that's OK. We won the Cup that year.


STRING : But my dinner's getting cold...
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Old August 16th, 2017, 05:54 AM   #26
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Ripper:

CATS' MEAT MAN ONE : Do you think he is going to end it all by eating the scrapple?

CATS' MEAT MAN TWO : Who?

CATS' MEAT MAN ONE : Monty of course.

CATS' MEAT MAN TWO : I thought he'd gone abroad after some trouble at that boys' prep school.

CATS' MEAT MAN ONE : No, I mean Monty Brown, the cat just up from Sidmouth.

CATS' MEAT MAN TWO : Why would a pussy cat want to come up to London and end it all?

CATS' MEAT MAN ONE : You do know Chelsea are away to Spurs this weekend, don't you?

CATS' MEAT MAN TWO : Ah, it all makes horrible sense now. Poor puss.
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Old August 16th, 2017, 10:56 AM   #27
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CATS' MEAT MAN ONE : "You do know Chelsea are away to Spurs this weekend, don't you?"
CATS' MEAT MAN TWO: "That should be an easy one for The Blues then."

CATS' MEAT MAN ONE: "You're joking aren't you? Spurs are really strong at home."

CATS' MEAT MAN TWO: "Not for the team, dopey, they'll get beat 3 - 0; I meant for the coach driver!"

CATS' MEAT MAN ONE: "You've got a point. With a striker who thinks the best way to get to Madrid is to head for Brazil, you don't want to be travelling beyond the M25 really."
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Old August 16th, 2017, 04:06 PM   #28
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At last, the return of that perennial cartoon favourite : Top Caz


The following people lent their voices to this production :


Top Caz - Mrs Brown of Sidmouth
Fancy - String
Brain - How Brown
Officer Quibble - Christer Holmgren
Special Guest Appearance - Popeye The Hallo Sailor Man - Francis Tumblety
Animation by Baron Frankenstein
Lifetime Achievement Award - Scott Nelson
Afterlifetime Achievement Award - Derek Acorah
Teaboy - Mr Brown of Sidmouth
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Old August 16th, 2017, 06:14 PM   #29
Anna Morris
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CAT'S MEAT MAN TO CUSTOMER: This new, improved Scrapple brand cats meat is neigh made of the usual hog entrails, if you get my meaning. Why, your old cat will gobble it down, trot about like a kitten and whinney for more!
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Old August 17th, 2017, 07:37 AM   #30
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CAT'S MEAT MAN TO CUSTOMER: This new, improved Scrapple brand cats meat is neigh made of the usual hog entrails, if you get my meaning. Why, your old cat will gobble it down, trot about like a kitten and whinney for more!
He'll also get the bit between his teeth and end up with the trots, Anna.

And then he'll win the Grand National in the fastest time in living memory.

All that was left of Monty Brown's midnight feast this morning were a couple of small feathers and some smears of blood.

Not horse feathers either.
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