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Weekly Caption Contest Finally, a reason to look forward to Mondays! Contests end each Monday and a new one then begins for the week.

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Old November 23rd, 2017, 03:11 PM   #11
Colin Macdonald
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JtR:

AMOROUS MALE DANCER: "Why are we dancing the Gay Gordons?"

TUMBLETY (IN DRAG): "You know how in the evening you men wear evening dress?"

AMOROUS MALE DANCER: "Yes, and in the morning we wear morning dress. What of it?"

TUMBLETY: "I'm wearing a ball gown"
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Old November 23rd, 2017, 06:37 PM   #12
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HB:

NINA: "I don't believe it."

PARTNER: "What's the matter?"

NINA: Stevie Wonder's here and some smart arse has only told him it's fancy dress."

PARTNER: "That's a bit embarrassing."

NINA: "You're not kidding. He's come as my Howie!"

PARTNER: "So who told him it was fancy dress, do you think?"

NINA: "Same person who told him that Howard was tall and slim I imagine."

PARTNER "Howard himself?"

NINA: "Precisely."
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Old November 24th, 2017, 01:28 PM   #13
Matt Leyshon
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Joseph Barnett practices a move he heard known as "The Trump Clutch".
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Old November 24th, 2017, 07:05 PM   #14
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HB:

HIM: "Isn't this the hotel where they house the 'Strictly Come Dancing' contestants?"

HER: "No, silly. We're in Australia. This is where they put the families of the 'I'm A Celebrity' contestants.

HIM: "Fascinating. Speaking of which, did you know that those ugly and revolting creepy-crawlies that are a feature of the show aren't actually native species? Apparently they're brought in specially from overseas."

MASTER OF CEREMONIES: "If there's a Mr Howard Brown from America here, your van driver is waiting to take you to a Bush Tucker Trial."
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Old November 25th, 2017, 08:36 AM   #15
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ED : Fish, you were supposed to take us back to Lord Wimborne's ball. Instead we're at a 1920s dance marathon. And why must I dance the female part?


FISH : Stop moaning, Ed. Finding killers demands sacrifices.


ED : There are two killers here right now.


FISH : Good. Where?


ED : On the ends of my legs. My feet are killing me in these high-heeled shoes. 24 hours I've been dancing. I'm going to fall asleep.


FISH : No! I've already had to wave battered cod under your nose. Look, I'll keep you awake by reciting dictionary definitions of the word 'ooze.'


(THUD)


FISH : Ed, get up!.......Ed?......
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Old November 27th, 2017, 05:10 PM   #16
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JtR:

JACK: "Do you mind if I cut in?"
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Old November 27th, 2017, 05:22 PM   #17
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HB:

NINA: "Howard? What are you doing here?"

HOW: "It's the auditions for the re-make of Dirty Dancing. I was asked to audition for the part of Johnny Castle - the Swayze part."

NINA: "That sounds unlikely. Wait here while I go and check."

NINA (RETURNS): "Not Swayze, imbecile. You're here to audition for for the sleazy part."
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Old December 3rd, 2017, 08:01 PM   #18
Robert Linford
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Voting time.
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Old December 5th, 2017, 06:29 AM   #19
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Here are the votes from East Devon:

Ripper:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Linford View Post
ED : Fish, you were supposed to take us back to Lord Wimborne's ball. Instead we're at a 1920s dance marathon. And why must I dance the female part?

FISH : Stop moaning, Ed. Finding killers demands sacrifices.

ED : There are two killers here right now.

FISH : Good. Where?

ED : On the ends of my legs. My feet are killing me in these high-heeled shoes. 24 hours I've been dancing. I'm going to fall asleep.

FISH : No! I've already had to wave battered cod under your nose. Look, I'll keep you awake by reciting dictionary definitions of the word 'ooze.'

(THUD)

FISH : Ed, get up!.......Ed?......
Non-ripper:
Quote:
Originally Posted by String View Post
Man on left "Just a little bit more and I can see your navel"
HB:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colin Macdonald View Post
HOWARD: "What's this dance we're doing?"

PARTNER: "It's a two step."

HOWARD: "But there are three steps to heaven!"

PARTNER: "Don't even think about it!"

HOWARD: "But I never think about anything else."
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Old December 7th, 2017, 07:01 PM   #20
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The votes from a very damp Bottesford:

JtR:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caroline Brown View Post
Ripper:

AARON : Fanny, what's under your frock?

FANNY : Aaron, a G string.

AARON : Funny place to keep the gramophone.

FANNY : Come again?

AARON : I expect so.
Non JtR:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caroline Brown View Post
Non-ripper:

If Dr Black didn't keep his hands to himself, Miss Scarlet was ready to hit him with a candlestick in the ballroom.
HB:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Linford View Post
WOMAN : Mr Brown, why the stooping posture and extended neck?

HOW : It comes from checking the oven to see if the scrapple is done.
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