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FUNNY Ripper Theories

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  • FUNNY Ripper Theories

    OK folks, Miss Cellania wants to blog on Jack the Ripper, and she wants to know about the FUNNY theories out there. You know the kind - the sort that involve Baphomet, chloroform, crown princes, sleepwalkers, and/or the like.

    So, list your favorites in here, with capsule summaries of them, and let the guffawing begin.

  • #2
    Hi Tim,

    You looking for intentionally funny (see, there's this black cat that lived above the room of the last victim...), unintentionally funny (see, there's this guy in prison, but he's not in prison, because he has a double who looks just like him who volunteered to go to prison for him...), or both?


    • #3

      Probably both.

      Sometimes people can be unintenionally funny.

      Baphomet...Gull...Jill The Ripper...Lewis Carroll...the one by Calum Knight ( which you folks should know about if you read the latest Ripper Notes )...Vesica Fishy...whoops !

      Better hold off on that last one. I was intrigued by it for a while myself.
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      • #4
        I actually managed to sell this one to someone

        Here's the theory directly from the casebook (the orginal question was the typical "Who's the most possible suspect")

        "Actually ******, it's pretty much proven that the Ripper was in fact 4 people, and they were:

        George Henty, Arthur Doyle, Ernest Hornung, and Herbert Wells.

        After a long evening of discussing the state of the police force, with Doyle and Hornung being dismissive of their abilities and Henty defending them vigrously (Wells reserved judgement). To end the argument Hornung prosposed a wager: each one would commit a crime so heinous as to shock the City, leaving enough clues at the scene to incriminate one of the other three, who would provide himself with an airtight alibi for that crime. If the police were to question the correct person that the clues referred to 2 out of 4 times (before the alibi cleared them), then it would prove that the police were as competent as Henty claimed.

        Henty eventually lost the bet, but all four where rounded up when Hornung got ratted and spilled the whole story to Oscar Wilde at a theatre party.
        Realizing how foolish such a scheme would make the government look, it was all hushed up and Oscar Wilde was framed for homosexuality and sent to prison to keep him quiet."

        And you know something--as smartarse as the theory was intended to be, it's still more plausible and better supported than the Baphomet one.
        "The Men who were not the Man who was not Jack the Ripper!"


        • #5
          Originally posted by Magpie
          And you know something--as smartarse as the theory was intended to be, it's still more plausible and better supported than the Baphomet one.
          LOL Magpie! You're not going to start begging everyone to buy your book... are you?


          • #6
            Beg? Moi?

            I shall market my endeavours in a responsible and tasteful manner, thank you very much!

            And remember, first 500 copies will be packaged with a limited edition thong and pastie set! Order now!!

            Now if I can just get Twitny Spears and Jerry Springer to give me a couple of cover blurbs....
            "The Men who were not the Man who was not Jack the Ripper!"


            • #7
              The Funny JTR Theories

              Dan and all:

              The description in this new forum reads:

              OK, the theory may also be wacky, but the difference here is that it was proposed to be serious. Honestly.

              It reads thus, as it is located just under the Wacky Ripper Theories forum. What is wanted here are the real-life, serious, no-kidding Ripper theories that just happen to be so ridiculous that they're actually funny. Like the Baphomet that only one person on earth can see, and the theory of which was assembled by an alleged psychic detective with Divine Inspiration. Like the tag-team of chloroform wielding ideological assassins who murdered the women elsewhere and then carried them to where they were found. This theory appeared on casebook 7 or 8 years ago. Numerous other ripper theories are of this ilk, and I include Cornwell's among them.

              C'mon, dust off those old memories and let's help Miss Cellania out.


              • #8
                Without commenting on his theory as a whole (because I haven't read it yet), I thought Marriott's proposal that Jack didn't remove anything from the bodies and instead the organs were removed while the bodies were left unattended prior the autopsies by doctors/students looking for research specimans to be a hoot.

                Almost as funny as the theory that the organs were eaten by rats and/or dogs before the bodies were discovered.
                "The Men who were not the Man who was not Jack the Ripper!"


                • #9
                  Well,I ain't too keen on Marriott from the git-go.

                  He's shown with his arm around Caz in the latest WS1888

                  .....and to boot: The notion that Mrs.Eddowes used the half/apron ( probably like someone using their computer to hammer a nail in the wall to hang up a photo ) for relief due to menstruation is "out there".

                  The wild animals taking the organs or them falling out of a gurney is pretty far fetched ( to me ).... but even less so than the apron-as-pad concept.
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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by How Brown
                    The wild animals taking the organs or them falling out of a gurney is pretty far fetched ( to me ).... but even less so than the apron-as-pad concept
                    I can just picture the sales pitch, Howie: "Now with strings!"

                    Have to say, in respect of the question, that it strikes me that a cast-iron guarantee of a wacky theory is if it involves "cryptic clues", be they anagrams, numbers or mysterious symbols secreted in drawings, photographs etc.

                    Dear readers - The minute you see those things in a book is when you should cut out the pages and string them up on your toilet wall.


                    • #11
                      Hi Howard

                      As ridiculous theories go, I think Richard Wallace's theory about Lewis Carroll (aka Rev. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) as the Ripper in his 1996 book, Jack the Ripper: Light-Hearted Friend, takes some beating. Seeing ridiculous and bizarre connections to the case in alleged anagrams "discovered" in Lewis Carroll's late writings, Wallace conjectures that the murders were committed as a kind of love tryst between Dodgson and a fellow Oxford don, Thomas Vere Bayne. The theory is also dependent on the Ripper letters being from the killer - similar to Cornwell's Walter Sickert theory - for Dodgson and Bayne to be the witty Ripper twosome. The theory and Wallace's book get the bashing they deserve at



                      Christopher T. George, Lyricist & Co-Author, "Jack the Musical"
             Hear sample song at

                      Organizer, RipperCon #JacktheRipper-#True Crime Conferences, April 2016 and 2018.
                      Hear RipperCon 2016 & 2018 talks at


                      • #12
                        Dear C.G. and Sammy:

                        Thats right. The Lewis Carroll theory might be the worst next to a couple of the most recent.

                        Allow me to add this idea,if I may....

                        Has anyone ever felt that some of the whacky theories ( like Carroll-as-Ripper or the Calum Knight theory mentioned in RN # 26 ) are made out of an animosity towards Ripperology in general or perhaps some person or a group that ostracized that person ?

                        In other words,could someone have been "hurt" by being shunned or dismissed by other Ripperologists and to damage the field in an act of retaliation....came up with a theory which those not involved with Ripperology would see and roll their eyes at the entire Ripper community ?

                        Thank you.
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                        • #13
                          Hi How,

                          Having read the demolition of Wallace's book kindly provided by Chris (hilarious read, by the way!) I tend to agree. Surely that pile of hokum was never intended as a serious theory? If so it's confirmation, if any were needed, that "there's nowt so queer as folk". If not, then I tend to see it borne more out of a desire to make a sensational fast buck than "revenge" as such. Mind you, I wouldn't be surprised if we started to see such things in the future, what with online publishing houses making it easier for amateurs to get into print.


                          • #14
                            More on Funny Theories

                            I have been searching the memory banks for a while now about the funniest theores that I have seen and am glad to see that Howard mentioned the Lewis Carroll theory as well.

                            I personally find humor in Patricia Cornwell's Sickert theory since it is so palpably ridiculous in itself AND the circumstances under which it was developed are truly humorous indeed.

                            I also tend to giggle when discussing the PAV as JTR theory, including the part about Dr. Gull. That a Royal Carriage - or any other horse-drawn carriage - could come and go without being seen or heard by anyone, especially in a location like Mitre Square, is quite over-the-top. And anyone who knows anything at all about Dr. Gull should find it amusing that he was believed to have committed the murders and dreadful mutilations inside of the carriage. You just can't make this stuff up.

                            There is even humor in a theory put forth by someone as qualified as Conan Doyle, who maintained that the Ripper made his getaways dressed as a woman. Now, while this could actually be true, it nonetheless IS funny, I'm sorry. JTR as drag queen - what an anticlimax.

                            I suppose what is really needed here is to break out the old casebook CD from years ago and browse through it. That is where Mr. Ed's theory on the chloroform wielders is to be found, and I should imagine that there are other pearls in there as well.

                            Anyone else have anything to contribute or discuss in the FUNNY genre?


                            • #15
                              I almost forgot

                              HOW could I forget the Jack-as-humane-killer theory? In this gem, it seems that JTR killed the women as quickly and as painlessly as possible, not wanting them to suffer needlessly. Why, he even cut their throats twice to be sure. This is another one found in casebook archives.

                              Companion to this is the theory that JTR cut the women open to release their souls (but only if he cut deep enough), which is actually in-line with some known practices of pagan fetishists. Also found in casebook archives.

                              Quite the considerate gentleman, that Jack.